Tommy
by HelloElla
Summary: They were just kids, growing up much too fast. When life felt like a deep & freezing ocean in which they drowned in, they saved each other every single time up until she disappeared the night of their high school graduation. Now, older & convinced she is still alive, Edward returns home in hopes of finding traces that will lead him back to Tommy, the tomboy girl who saved his life.
1. Prologue

**I know what you're thinking. "Another new story?" Yes! I'm still working on my other two fics. Promise.**

**It's just that one day, the image of a scrappy girl came to my mind and didn't go away. I've loved writing this story so much. Just as much as I loved writing Nobody's Little Girl.**

**This story is ****done**** as far as writing is concerned. I'm telling you,**_** she**_** wouldn't get out of my head. I will be posting **_**once**_** a week.**

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

**Hope you enjoy.**

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Prologue

It's a calm evening. The sun is retiring and the cool breeze dances along the deep woods, making the green and brown leaves shake and sing.

The waves lazily push water onto the shore where there is nobody to see it, except Edward.

He stands with his bare feet in the cold sand of this gloomy beach he has hated for so many years. The high cliffs above him are mocking him, calling him a coward, but he doesn't have the guts to tell them they're wrong. He doesn't let his toes touch the water and steps back anytime it seems it'll reach him. His eyes can't find the end of the ocean and it makes him anxious.

It always has.

Not knowing how something ends and knowing he is too weak to ever find out fills him with fear. He hates it. It has always made him feel cowardly, even when he was a young boy. He would obsess with the idea that he would never know how the ocean looked on the other end.

Maybe he will find her there. There, on the other side of the water she'll be. She will raise an eyebrow at him as if questioning his presence and grumble a few curse words making him chuckle.

He thinks about her sometimes.

Actually, he thinks of her all the time.

It doesn't make sense.

They weren't friends. Though there are so many things he wishes he would have done or said differently back then, he can't change the past and in the past, he wasn't her friend and she wasn't his.

He wonders where she is and if she's doing okay. He wonders if she's on her own and if she needs any help, then again she really was on her own since the day she was born.

He can almost see her when he closes his eyes. It's been years, but he can still remember her messy brown hair blowing in the wind and her lack of giving a damn clearly painted on her face. He can see her boy clothes, much too large on her small and frail looking body and that stupid baseball cap she would wear or hang from her jean's belt loops.

He winces as he notices that once again, she wears a black eye and bloody lip with pride. Someone has pissed her off. She probably lost the fight, she was never a good fighter, but knowing her she probably walked away with her head held high while holding back girly tears as the other girl celebrated her victory over Isabella "Tommy" Swan, the ugly tomboy with a grumpy face.

They were all wrong.

Her brown eyes were always full of sorrow, not anger, even though she would argue and say she was mad as hell because being mad was better than being sad and weak. Even though she acted like some tough "dude" and cursed like a sailor whenever she _did_ speak, there was always something that comforted Edward. The blush on her cheeks and the smile that would sometimes appear on her pink lips showed her real age and youth. It all guaranteed him that deep in her heart, she still held onto her innocence and hope that every girl her age should have.

But he was a fool. She wasn't like any girl he knew. She grew up too fast and that wasn't her fault, but he didn't know. Nobody did. It's not like they tried to see it anyway.

They chose to ignore the signs.

He was too busy mourning his loss. He remembers that back then, all he could think about was his own pain. She was there to see it too, but he didn't look at hers.

Nobody did.

Nobody at all.

They were all just kids. Just a bunch of stupid kids and he was one of them too and that's what hurts the most.

He wishes he could say he was the one that _finally_ gave her a break and extended a hand. He wishes he could repay her for what she did. He wishes he could have called himself her friend.

But he didn't do any of that. If he ever did, he took it back and broke it all at once that day at La Push.

He remembers darkly at how angry he was when he realized he owed Tomboy Tommy. He never wanted to owe anybody anything, especially her. But there he stood in front of her, unknowingly for the very last time, and didn't even say a word of appreciation. He didn't even look at her in the eyes. She trembled from the cold ocean water, but didn't complain or whine. She made him promise to deny he ever saw her and walked away, never to be seen again.

Now he wishes he would have ran after her so he could thank her. He owes her his life and he will for the rest of his existence, even if she doesn't care. He wishes he could have told her that he finally understood who she was even though nobody in this town ever did. He wishes he could have apologized for failing her.

He failed in such devastation.

He hates the way he fights himself when someone mentions her in town. When someone in Cora's Diner starts another lie or someone outside church tells a story full of holes and exaggerated theories about Tommy, the girl who disappeared. He fights the urge to tell them all to go to hell and leave Tommy alone.

But he doesn't.

"You better act right, kids, or you'll end up like Tommy."

"Girls, you better put on them dresses and make-up and don't act or play like a boy or you'll end like Tommy."

His jaw tenses and his eyes glare at the ground.

He wonders if anybody worries about her.

No, that was never her luck.

Some people ignore the "Tommy Legends" and move on as if she never existed. Some think she died and some even think that it's better that way. "She never did anybody any good," they say.

She isn't dead. She can't be.

The small girl, who looked like a kitten, but had the roar of a lion couldn't have died. She couldn't have. It's impossible.

Completely and utterly impossible.

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**Please let me know what you think :) and thank you so much for reading. As I said, I'm done writing this story so an update every week is a guarantee. **

**Also, the story is marked "Angst" AND "Romance." Yes, there will be a HEA. Come on hehe its Edward and Bella!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Wow! The response for the prologue was so amazing! Thank you all so much! **

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

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Chapter 1

"If you jump, you're the toughest of them all!" Jacob shouted as he looked down to the water, so many feet below.

"Yeah, my brother jumped from the highest spot. He's a tough dude," Paul, the oldest of the boys, assured the group.

Edward, a boy of only ten, stared on as the others shared stories and legends of "men" they knew who had jumped off the La Push cliff and into the rough waters below. His green eyes turned away from them and instead concentrated on the angry waves that slapped the rocky wall of the cliff.

_Would he jump? Would it hurt? Would his parents be angry if he did?_

He gulped and jammed his sweaty hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"You up for it, Cullen?" Jacob asked with a smirk on his face and an elbow to Edward's side.

Edward nervously chuckled and avoided looking at his new friend's brown eyes and dark skin. He was too embarrassed to admit that he was afraid. He was new in town and desperately trying to make friends. They would probably call him a girl and laugh in his face. He hoped that Jake would just forget about the horrible idea and change the subject. Then the cool breeze with hints of water reminded him that it wouldn't be easy for them to forget.

He should have listened to his mother. He should have stayed home. But he was tired and bored of the tall walls of his house. He had nothing in common with his sister and his parents had been acting strange lately. Ever since they had moved to the small town of Forks from Chicago and ever since his mother started going to the doctor things had changed. He didn't quite know what it was, but it was difficult to get used to.

It was difficult to get used to the sad looks his father gave him and his sister, the time he spent locked in his office and away from them and their mother, and the way his mother, Elizabeth, stared off as if the walls she looked upon held more interest to her than anything else.

It reminded him of how Alice, his sister, would look when watching cartoons on the television. Her mouth would be slightly opened, her eyes glued to the screen without a blink.

He wondered if his mother saw interesting things in her head. He wondered if her thoughts were full of color and movements like those cartoons.

Somehow, by the looks of her dark eyes and the way his father would worry when finding her in that state, Edward knew that wasn't the case.

Lines of concern would take over Carlisle's forehead. He would pinch the bridge of his nose and gently pull his wife into their room, closing the door behind them as if trying to keep whatever was wrong away from his children.

But Edward noticed it. Though he didn't understand them, his perceptions kept him wondering.

Wondering if things would ever be normal again…

"Hey! Look what I found!" A higher, squeaky voice shouted from the woods.

"Not now, Tommy!" Jared muttered angrily annoyed.

"But it's cool!"

"Nobody cares, Tommy!" Paul assured the much younger boy.

Edward turned to focus on this kid named Tommy where he was hiding in the woods, until he stumbled out, covered in mud.

He wore blue shorts, dirty sneakers, an oversized t-shirt and a backward, baseball cap. He raised a hand and covered his eyes from the bright sun. He looked up at Edward as he made it over to stand by his side, and gave him a shy smile.

Edward tried to ignore him, not wanting to lose his new friendships over a boy they obviously didn't like, but apparently Tommy didn't know about personal space. Even though the young kid only reached his shoulder, he sure did know how to hover. Edward sighed, and tried to step away from the Tommy invasion, but the little guy was persistent.

He could now see why none of the other guys liked this kid.

"Do you wanna go see?" Tommy asked.

"No," Edward mumbled while picking at a scab on his arm. The rest of the boys were still talking about jumping off the cliff, while he nervously hoped they would stop.

"But it's…"

"But it's cool. I get it, kid. I don't care."

"Don't call me kid. We're the same age," Tommy huffed.

"How would you know that?"

"Because I do."

Edward rolled his eyes and continued picking at his scab.

"Just come see. I promise you'll like it, and we'll be right back."

Edward looked on as Jacob made plans with Jared and Paul on how they were going to jump from the lower side. He gulped and looked down at Tommy.

"Okay," Edward suddenly said. "Take me to see whatever this thing is, and it better be cool, or I'm gonna beat you up!"

Tommy didn't take his threat seriously nor did he wait for him to change his mind. He pulled Edward by the arm, across the road and into the woods.

"Ed, where are you going?" Jake shouted.

"I'm gonna see what Tommy is annoying me about," Edward said back.

He couldn't see the other boys' responses, because Tommy was strong and fast, regardless of his short and small stature.

After a few feet, Tommy let go of him, allowing him follow. Edward chuckled to himself at how clumsy Tommy was. He slipped and tumbled quite a bit over rocks and tree branches and even on thin air it seemed. He kept pulling his oversized shorts up and looking back to check if Edward was following.

They finally stopped, and while Edward rolled his eyes, Tommy inspected the area to find whatever it was he wanted to show him.

"See!"

Edward looked down at what the other boy was pointing at and grimaced. "Sick! What's that?"

Tommy giggled, and Edward held back a joke about how he sounded like a girl.

"It's a dead frog!"

"Gross."

"I know, right?"

"How did it die?"

"I dunno."

"Don't touch it!"

Tommy rolled his eyes and pulled the dead frog by one of its legs and threw it at Edward's feet.

Edward screamed. "Why'd you do that for?!"

"Don't be a wuss. You scream like a girl."

"You're the one that laughs like one!"

"Because I _am_ a girl!"

Edward froze. He let his eyes wander over Tommy's face for the first time. He was right… well, _she_ was right. Her face, though dirty and plain, was soft and round. Her brown eyes, cheekbones and nose were delicate and not rough like that of a boy.

He had been warned about Tommy by Jake and the boys. According to them Tommy loved to tag along, but was unwanted and annoying. But nobody ever mentioned that _he_ was a _she_.

"Then why are you dressed like that?" Edward asked. Confused, he rubbed at the back of his neck. "Where's your hair? Girls have long hair. And what kind of name is Tommy for a girl? That's a boy's name."

"It's just a name," she said defensively, taking the frog by the legs again and placing it over a large rock. "You wanna see its guts?"

Edward just nodded, still in disbelief over her revelation.

He stood next to her as she used a sharp twig to poke at the dead frog. She struggled as she tried to dig into the frog's flesh. Her small dirty hands weren't very strong or steady. She bit into her bottom lip in concentration while Edward studied her face.

She had tiny freckles over her cheeks and nose, and some strands of brown hair that had fallen out of her dirty cap were now stuck to her sweaty neck.

Yes, she was not like any of the girls he knew. Definitely not like his sister, Alice or his cousin, Rosalie…

They would never be out in the woods. They always smelled nice and wore nice dresses, while Tommy looked like she'd been wearing the same clothes for days.

"There!" She said, as she opened the frog.

"Sick!" Edward murmured. "Is that its heart?"

"I guess so."

"Girls don't like doing things like this. My sister would have cried and ran away. You're kinda cool; I guess," he said while elbowing her side, making her laugh.

"Girls are stupid," she muttered, as she poked at the frog's veins, and neared her head a little closer for a better look.

"You're not grossed out or creeped out that it's dead?"

"No," she simply said. "Things… people and animals… even plants… everything dies." It was such an odd thing for a ten year old to say, and even Edward realized this.

"How old are you?"

"Ten, like you."

"Where are you from? How come I've never seen you?"

"We go to the same school," she huffed. "You just moved here."

"I know, but I feel like I've met everyone. Well, all the kids. I've made friends and stuff."

"Yeah, dumb friends."

"Hey! What's it to you who my friends are? Besides, you're not my friend anyway. I don't like you."

"Yeah, I know. Let's keep it that way, okay?" She shoved him back, making him stumble. He quickly straightened up, embarrassed that she had pushed him. "I don't like you. You're just a stupid rich kid. We're not friend."

He rolled his eyes. "Agreed. We're not friends and never will be."

"Deal. Now, here. Take this," she said, handing him the twig they had just used to inspect the dead frog. "And if Jacob asks what you're doing, just tell him I got grossed out and ran away while you were poking at the frog."

Edward raised an eyebrow in confusion as Tommy started leaving.

"Wait! Where are you going, and why am I gonna tell Jake that?"

"I'm just going. You're telling Jake that story because he's coming this way now, and you don't wanna tell him you were too scared to jump off the cliff. Besides, this story will make you sound cool."

Tommy continued walking while Edward still drowned in confusion.

"Hey! You knew? You knew about me and the cliff?"

Tommy stopped walking and turned her head towards him. "Yeah. You looked, scared, so I decided to help."

Edward nervously scratched his neck. "I'm just a bad swimmer, okay? It's not that I'm scared or anything. I'm a man. I just don't like water…deep water."

She gave him a soft and closed lip smile. "I promise I won't tell anybody. My grandpa once told me that everybody gets scared and that's okay. So, I won't tell a soul if you don't want me to."

"Um, thanks?"

"Sure," she said, lowly.

"We're still not friends?"

"Nope."

"Okay," he said, looking down at the dead frog over the large rock.

"See you around."

"Goodbye." And with that she disappeared into the woods where she came from.

When Jacob and rest of the boys found Edward, he shared the story Tommy had made up for him and sure enough they thought he was cool and that Tommy was a wuss.

After the frog was gutted and examined thoroughly by the boys, Jacob went on to tell Edward what a weird kid Tommy was. She was a girl, but dressed and acted like a boy.

Jared said his parents had warned him to stay away from her. People like that are never any good.

Paul said she just needed to grow up and be 'touched' just right by a 'man', and soon enough she would start acting like what she was, instead of a dyke.

Edward didn't know what the older boy meant by any of that, but decided not to ask. He felt guilty already. Tommy had been nice to him and even saved him. Yet, there he was listening to them talk trash about her and too cowardly to defend her.

"I hear she doesn't shower," Jacob added.

"I heard that too, and Lauren said she caught her smoking a cigarette once. Girls aren't supposed to do shit like that."

"I bet she does drugs," Jared said, laughing.

"Yeah, my mom says her dad is a loser who got fired from the police station, and that her mom is crazy."

Edward stopped listening. The guilt was too much. He made up an excuse and ran back to his house where he was greeted sweetly by his mother. Her hugs and words of affection made him feel like a bad person. He didn't deserve any of it after what just happened.

She asked him if he had made more friends and he just nodded and wondered if maybe he should get new ones. He had never felt this awful back in Chicago. He missed his former home.

His parents had taught him how to be a good person, but he didn't feel like one today.

The guilt and bad feeling didn't go away. Not even when he was in bed, staring at his ceiling, did he feel any better. He wondered if Tommy's mom was, in fact, crazy and if Tommy did drugs or if she really didn't shower.

He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to fall asleep, but he wasn't able to escape the bad feeling in his chest.

It followed him into his dreams.

It would follow him again after her disappearance.

~Tommy~

**Present Day**

Sometimes that bad feeling returns. It'll be each time he isn't planning on thinking of her and busy with his life. He'll be shopping for clothes, and he'll see a young girl wearing a backwards, baseball cap and baggy jeans. He'll smile to himself thinking of Tommy, but then the guilt will take over.

He'll just sigh and hope to God she'll decide to show up so he can beg for the forgiveness he needs to live peacefully.

But she doesn't.

"This place hasn't changed much," he says, staring out his father's car. The small town of Forks has always seemed to be a tiny spot on earth, shadowed by the lively forest.

His father smiles as he drives his son home for the first time in five years.

"That's why I like it, I guess," the older man says and nothing else.

They haven't spoken much in five years, but then again they lived together for 18 years and hardly spoke then. Carlisle has always been a quiet man. Edward remembers his mother being talkative when he was younger while his father would just sit back and smile at everything his wife said. He would stare at her with his bright, blue eyes. His mother would tell Carlisle how there was a sparkle in them and place a kiss on his cheek, while his father blushed. The soft smile on Carlisle's lips and the kiss he placed on her forehead made Edward feel so much happiness for his parents.

But things changed when they moved to Forks.

Their house was very quiet. Too quiet at times. He remembers wondering if he had been left alone, only to find his father silently working away in his office and his mother in her bed asleep. His childlike mind wanted desperately for his father to come out of his work and kiss his mother's head to make her feel better.

He would ask Carlisle what was wrong with his mother, but the man would just caress his head and say "nothing," and walk away.

He's always been afraid to become like him. Quiet and difficult to understand. But as he's getting older with each day, he realizes he's his father's son.

His mother's side of the family likes to remind Edward how alike he is to his father. He just nods and saves his words…

Just like Carlisle.

"I'm moving into the city of Chicago in a few weeks; I think you should cook my favorite meal every night as a goodbye gift," he says to his father as they have dinner on their own for the first time in years.

Carlisle chuckles and shakes his head at his son. "Son, I'm old, but not delusional."

Edward smirks while digging into his potatoes. "Has Alice called?"

"No, but she texted me a few hours ago that she and Rosalie were almost in Washington. Esme left to go pick them up from Port Angeles."

"Texted? Carlisle Cullen using technology?"

Carlisle laughs quietly. "I'm getting there, Son. So how is Kate?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Did you break up with her?"

"Dad, first, it's weird that we're talking about this and second, we were never dating. We were friends throughout school and I just happened to bump into her at the airport when you picked me up. I'm not really looking for a relationship."'

"Oh, yes, forgive me, sir. I forget you're still oh, so young since you act like an old man sometimes. I hope you're enjoying Chicago as much as I did while I lived there. You're always so serious, Son. Don't be like your old man. You should be having fun."

"I am. It's a great city. Maybe you can move back? I mean nothing is holding you back here in Forks, Dad. Move back to the city."

The older man chuckles. "That big city doesn't have anything I need anymore, besides I love this town. I love the quietness. You'll come to love it as well."

"Yeah, yeah…" The men continue eating in silence for a few more minutes. Edward doesn't know how to ask the next question. He has been itching to ask his father this since the moment he saw him at the airport. He thought of this question while preparing for his trip from Chicago to Forks, and also as he stared out the window on the airplane ride.

He doesn't want to sound strange. Why would he be asking in the first place? To everybody, Edward had nothing to do with the subject.

The subject of Tommy.

They weren't even friends.

They never were.

Of this he had assured his father so many times before. That's what he told Carlisle when he was asked if he was okay after her disappearance and that's what he told him before he left Forks to go to college in Illinois.

_He must have looked shaken up that day._

"So, Dad, have you… um, has anybody heard anything about Tommy?" He finally asks and is thankful his father doesn't question his curiosity.

Carlisle places his fork down and shakes his head. A sad look takes over his features. He had always been on Tommy's side. Even after she disappeared.

"No, and as you are aware, everyone stopped looking for her just a few months after she didn't come home. We thought maybe she had ran away and we'd eventually see her around again. But no, not in the last five years since she disappeared. We haven't heard anything. Well, I don't know about Renee and Charles, her parents. But they don't look like they've received any news. Why are you asking?"

Edward sits up straight and shrugs, trying to make it seem like it's nothing to him but curiosity.

But the irking feeling in his chest reminds him that's a lie.

"I was just wondering. I went to school with her, so… I just wonder sometimes whatever happened to her."

Carlisle nods, accepting his son's explanation and once again looks down at his plate. "I just wish …" he sighs. "I just wish she would give us a sign to let us know she's okay. I hate not knowing what her fate was. If it ended or if it's continuing somewhere else."

Edward just stares at his father wanting to explain that he feels the same way. Worse even.

He wants to tell his father what Tommy meant to him. He wants to tell him about all the moments he replays in his mind and how she saved him more than he knows. He wants to tell his father how thoughts of Tommy plague his mind.

But he can't.

It would be breaking the promise he made to Tommy so many years ago. He has done so many things wrong, but breaking this promise will never be one of them.

The promise makes him ache. Nobody will ever know who Tommy really was, and it makes him angry, but he will hold his tongue.

He won't betray her once again. He's sure she would appreciate it.

Wherever she is.

He washes the dishes while his father retires to his room. He promises his father he will wait up for his Aunt Esme and his sister and cousin. They are to spend the next two weeks in Forks for vacation. Edward is looking forward to spending time with his family. He knows he hasn't been much of a son or brother in the last five years, but maybe he can make it up to them.

He had been reluctant to return to Forks. He knew before he came that even the air he would breathe would remind him of _her_.

Maybe he'll find an answer or find a clue.

Maybe something will lead him to her.

After he dries his hands, he looks out the living room window. There are no lights and no signs of his sister and cousin.

He decides to wait in his room and heads upstairs.

He smiles at the fact that his father kept everything the way it was before he went off to college. He cringes at some embarrassing items of his youth and laughs at others.

He opens up his laptop, watches a few silly internet videos and then finds himself using a search engine. He types the same words he's typed so many times before while in Illinois, but hopes the search results will be different.

But they're not. The links are marked, reminding him that he has clicked them all before, but he clicks the top one again anyway.

_18 Year Old Washington Girl Missing_

_Isabella "Tommy" Swan has been reported missing after not arriving home the night of her high school graduation and not being seen anywhere else in town..._

They're wrong. They're all wrong.

He sighs and shuts his laptop in frustration.

One day she'll show up and he'll stop with this torment. He'll be able to sleep and live and feel normal again.

He sits on his bed, staring at his closet. With a deep breath he walks over to it, moves shoes, books, shirts, and boyish car toys out of the way.

There, deep in his closet's corner is the blue, Mariners' baseball cap he came to hate and then love.

He grabs it and slowly brings it up to his face for a better view.

~Tommy~

"_Why do you always wear that stupid hat?" he asked as they walked down the woods._

"_It's not stupid. It's my favorite hat. My dad bought it for me when he went on his trip to Seattle."_

"_Your dad? The guy you hate so much?" Edward asked. Tommy looked down at her hands and he instantly felt bad. "Dude, I'm sorry…"_

"_No, don't be. Yeah, my dad. The man who hardly talks to me and doesn't care about what happens to me. I like to think he was walking down a store somewhere in Seattle and I popped into his head and he bought me this hat. The hat means he once thought of me." She sighed and pulled said hat further down her face, almost hiding her eyes. "I know, it's lame, but I don't care," she said quickly with a frown, trying to erase that she let herself sound soft and vulnerable. _

"_It's not lame and it's okay, Swan. You don't have to be tough all the time."_

"_Whatever, Cullen. You don't know anything."_

_He didn't respond because he knew she was right._

He didn't know anything and for that he was sorry.

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**The beginning of each chapter will be the story of Edward and Tommy from their childhood to their late teen years in chronological order. The second part will be Edward in present time as an adult looking for her. And the final part of the chapter, which will be italicized, will be a memory he is very fond of. The "memories" won't be necessarily in any type of order. **

**Thank you all again for reading. Follow me on twitter at HelloElla90**


	3. Chapter 2

**I'm going to thank ya'll (I'm a Texan) all the time for the review love so get used to it! You guys are the best! I'm glad some of you already love Tommy. **

**I have a soft spot for her in my lil heart. **

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

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Chapter 2

The sound of the dribbling ball annoyed the girls, but they were there at the basketball court, trying to catch the eyes of a 'cute' boy. Edward and Mike had found themselves being called 'cute' from an early age and today was no different.

Right now there were team captains and picking players in the playground for a quick game.

"Pete," Mike shouted.

"Tyler," Edward countered.

"Eric."

"Garrett."

Edward mumbled a curse word as the last two players were Luke and Tommy. It was obvious who Mike would pick, and who he would be left with.

Tommy anxiously looked between herself and Luke. She _had_ to be picked so the teams could be even. Edward rolled his eyes at her jitteriness. She would come to the basketball court mostly every day to hang out with the boys even though she was clearly unwanted and never picked to be part of any team. She just didn't belong. The funny thing was; she didn't seem to belong with the girls either.

Edward looked over at the pretty girls and then back at Tommy and then back at them. While they were busy fixing the little makeup they had on their faces and reorganizing tiny, misplaced hairs on their heads, Tommy slumped her weight to one side and looked like she could care less about her appearance. She wore the same clothes she had on two days ago, when he last saw her. Her hair was greasy under that dirty, blue Mariners' cap, and there was enough dirt under her fingernails that he could see it from a mile away.

When Mike made his obvious choice, Tommy, wearing the biggest smirk ever seen, walked over to Edward's team.

Edward was convinced she loved to annoy him.

His teammates cursed and grumbled that the 'girl' had to be on their side. Edward hushed them and demanded they concentrate on taking down stupid Mike. Before they jumped to play, Edward eyed Tommy one more time and hoped she hadn't forgotten their deal from a year ago, and not to think this meant they were friends.

"Come on, Ed, let's kick some ass," she said and he followed her to the middle of the court, not knowing what to think. Sometimes she acted so carefree, yet he always concluded something was wrong with her. He didn't understand. His mother made sure he and his sister looked presentable anytime they left the house.

Heck, she would make sure they were clean and nice _inside_ the house. They also never wore so many bruises like Tommy did.

He sometimes wondered where she got them from, but was too afraid to ask her. Anytime they would secretly hang out, she would get mad and walk away if he made a comment or questioned her about her appearance, so he learned to just shut up.

Mike and his teammates played dirty, but that didn't stop Edward. He was used to playing with boys. They were rough and rude. He was used to it and played just as rough, but he didn't think Tommy could handle it.

He kept looking towards her to make sure she was okay. He wanted to make sure she was having fun and not getting pushed around. He didn't understand why he worried about her like this.

He didn't even like her.

They weren't even friends.

She was always okay, but he kept missing plays due to the distracting worry he felt.

"Ed, what the hell? You're playing like a girl!" Garrett shouted.

"Yeah, Ed, Tommy is playing better than you and she IS a girl!" Mike joked, making all the boys and even the girls, laugh.

"It's her!" He shouted, pointing at a frowning and confused looking Tommy. "She's so awful its ruining my game, man."

They laughed and agreed with him, but continued playing. After his comment, Edward avoided looking at Tommy in the face, but she seemed to be playing harder now. She made a few baskets, celebrating on her own, and _now _she seemed like a threat.

The rest of the boys on the other team forgot she was a girl after all and started playing a little rougher with her, but that didn't slow her down.

Not even a little bit.

Edward gawked as Tommy stole the ball from Mike's hands and started running to the other side. He grinned, hoping nobody realized he was rooting her on. She was about to make the easy layup, when a very bitter and angry Mike caught up to her.

It was too late when Edward realized what he was about to do.

Mike shoved his arms forward, pushing Tommy to the ground.

Edward grimaced at Tommy's nasty fall onto the gravel of the poorly made basketball court. Garrett and Eric called foul, but he knew they only did it because they missed the opportunity to get another point.

They all quickly quieted as Tommy slowly made it up to her hands and knees. He could hear her sniffling, even though she was trying to hide it. He wanted to run to her and ask her if she was okay and make Mike apologize.

But he didn't.

He swallowed hard as he stared at the back of her head. She slowly made it up onto her wobbly legs, and blood could be seen on her hands and torn jeans.

He still didn't move.

Kate, the pretty girl in his class who he planned on asking out to the spring dance was watching. His cousin, Rosalie, was also there. Her deep, cold, blue eyes staring at Tommy without any remorse or consideration. She would tease him until his death if he dared help the tomboy they all hated.

But his mother would have been ashamed of him for just standing there.

He could see Tommy wiping her face with the back of her hands. She slowly, and with a slight limp, walked over to the basketball that had fallen out of her hands.

She picked it up and turned around to face Mike who was just a few steps away from her. He glared at her as if he had been the one that was wronged.

Nobody said anything. They all waited for her next move.

She took a deep breath and quicker than the blink of an eye, threw the ball at Mike with all her might and hit the mean boy on the head.

Everyone gasped, and some of the boys laughed.

Mike whined in pain, grabbing his head and cursing.

"Asshole," she muttered, and started limping off the court.

"Where are you going, Tommy? We'll be one man short if you leave," Tyler shouted.

"Screw you," she said back. Edward stepped aside as Tommy passed, but she made a point of roughly bumping into him with her shoulder, giving him a glare before she limped away.

That angry look from her brown eyes upset him more than he cared to admit. He picked up the ball that had just been used as a weapon and stared at its black lines as he tried his best to hide the anxiety that was eating away at him. His heart pounded in his chest and the sweat running down his face stung his eyes.

He hoped she didn't hate him and would still play with him at La Push when he didn't want to hang out with Jake and the Quileute boys.

He still wanted to hang out with her in the woods and find the weird things she always seemed to find. He still wanted to poke dead animals with sticks, run along the river, throw rocks into the water, and catch fireflies. He didn't want her to disappear.

Even though they weren't friends.

~Tommy~

Edward ate his supper as his mother stared at her own plate.

"What's wrong, honey?" His father asked her.

It was usually quiet at the dinner table, but sometimes his father or mother would talk about something that had happened that same day. But his mother had been acting strange lately. She was quiet and sometimes wouldn't respond to questions.

"Nothing, love, I just don't feel well. I think I'm getting over a cold."

"A cold? I would have noticed," Carlisle said.

"Well, you've been working quite long hours lately," she said, elegantly wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"That I have and I apologize. It's just that I'm still new around here. Ever since we moved, I've been trying to work my way out of the late shift."

"It's been a year."

"I know. I know, sweetie. These things just take time."

Edward looked down at his green beans, confused by his parents' banter. Even though she was only a year younger than him, in Edward's eyes Alice was too young to understand, so he didn't bother looking her way for support.

She was only a year younger than him.

Elizabeth sighed and looked over to her son. "How was school today, honey?"

"It was okay."

"Just okay?" She asked, grinning at him. It always made him smile when she did it. Even if he happened to be in a bad mood, she always managed to make him happy.

Who wouldn't be happy because of her?

She was a beautiful and graceful woman. Big green eyes, reddish brown hair, porcelain white skin and pearly white teeth weren't the only things that made her gorgeous in the eyes of her son.

She was gentle, sweet and loving. Her arms always seemed to find themselves around him and Alice. They were loved.

"It was a good day," he said, changing his answer effectively.

She giggled and placed her soft hand over his and her other over Alice's.

It was a good day. Anytime his mother didn't cry was good for him. "I love you both so much. Sometimes, things we don't like happen, and sometimes adults act in a way you may not understand, but just know that I love you very much. Always will."

Edward smiled at his mother and squeezed her hand to let her know that he loved her too.

He went back to playing with his green beans, and wondered if Tommy's mother ever expressed that she loved her, the way his mother did with him.

Tommy looked sad at times. He wondered if it had to do with her parents. They never came to their school plays or meetings. He had seen her dad once when she got in trouble for blowing something up in science class, but besides that, she always seemed to be on her own.

They sure didn't seem to care that she looked dirty, or that she acted out in school. They didn't seem to notice that she didn't have any friends.

They didn't seem to care about the bruises on her arms and face.

They didn't seem to care at all…

Not even a little bit.

~Tommy~

**Present day**

"I can't believe it! You just get more handsome with each day!" Alice exclaims as she hugs her older brother.

Edward chuckles before kissing her cheek. "Sister, I do appreciate your lies."

She giggles and makes her way up to her childhood room, while his cousin Rosalie and her husband Emmett give him hugs of their own.

Aunt Esme waits, like she always does. She nervously plays with her hands and looks anywhere but him until he speaks.

"Hello, Aunt Esme, it's nice to see you," he says.

Suddenly her nerves disappear and she looks relieved. "Thank you, Edward. I'm glad you're here," she says.

He doesn't hug her, but does give her a small smile before turning. He catches her frown as his eyes wander away, but he ignores it.

Like he always does.

After the women set up their rooms and change into fresh clothes, they meet Emmett and Edward in the living room.

They chat and laugh about stories of the past and the present. Rose wants to fill her husband with each little detail of their childhood in Forks tonight. It has been a while since Edward has spent time with his family since leaving Forks to go to school, so he ignores his weariness of the long travel and different time zones and pays close attention to everything they have to say.

"I'm happy you found a job so soon and in a city you love," Alice says to her brother.

"I am too," he answers, hoping they don't hear his lack of enthusiasm. Alice will worry again if she does catch how his eyes nervously look down at his hands. She always does. Ever since that dreadful day, she's acted so much older than her age. She calls him up more than anybody else. She's worried he'll have another "episode" even though he hasn't had one in years.

"I bet your friends back in Chicago are excited you get to stay," Rosalie adds.

Edward just nods. He doesn't want to admit that he hardly has any friends in Chicago. After high school…after Tommy, he didn't seem to care about making new friends. He dedicated every waking second and minute to his studies and to others he came off as pretentious; rude even.

He really was just trying to distract himself.

It hadn't worked. He held onto her so tightly for so long, it was impossible to pretend she didn't happen.

He doesn't regret his lack of social life though. He has come to enjoy his solitude.

"_I knew it! I told you so. You're a loner creep like me."_

He can just hear Tommy saying that.

His therapist thinks he clings to her because she's what made him feel good through his worse years and depression, but he knows he's wrong.

He clings to her memory with every bit of strength in him because of reasons only he understands. He holds a tight grip on the memory of the tomboy girl, with a scrapped knees, dirty sneakers, a smart mouth and a smirk on her face.

He softly smiles to himself while Rosalie, Emmett and Alice say their goodnights to a retiring Aunt Esme.

They talk a little longer amongst themselves, before Alice looks over at Edward with serious eyes and a frown.

"What?" He asks, a little annoyed with his sister.

"You look…zoned out."

He sighs. "It's not what you think. I was just thinking…about things. This town, it still feels the same."

"Have you heard anything or has Dad?Has anybody found Tommy?"

Rosalie quickly looks over at her cousin. He wonders if maybe, just maybe she worries about Tommy too, just like he and Alice do.

"Nothing new."

Alice shakes her head in disappointment.

"It's been five years, guys. Don't you think she would have given her family a sign by now to let them know she's okay?" Rosalie says. She has always been the realist of the group.

"Why would she tell them? She hated her parents," Alice states.

"She didn't hate them," Edward mutters.

"Well then?"

He sighs and rubs his tired eyes. "It's just… it's complicated, okay?"

"Well, wherever she is… I hope she's okay," Alice says, lowly.

Rosalie chuckles and leans back into the couch. "Who would have thought we'd still be talking about Tommy five years after graduation? I heard old Mr. Morris talking about her at the gas station."

Edward groans. "People just need to leave her alone."

"She's like a legend now, Edward. Not the good kind, but a legend nonetheless."

"She's just a kid."

Alice giggles, placing a hand over Edwards'. "You do realize that if she was still alive, she'd be 23, like you?"

Edward smiles. "I know. I guess it's because the last memory I have of her was when were both 18. When we were young and stupid."

"Okay, let's stop talking about this depressing topic," Rose says and pats her husband's leg. "Em, why don't you tell them about your new job?"

Emmett proceeds to explain what his new job as a sports journalist will entail, but Edward stops listening. It isn't that he doesn't care or doesn't like Em, his mind is just too busy thinking of something else.

Or rather, _someone _else.

It starts to rain. He can hear raindrops hitting the window, and lets his mind return to the _good _memories of the past. If Tommy was in fact, dead, and if he was never to see her again, he hopes his mind will start erasing the bad memories and let him hang onto the ones that make him smile. He will put them away in a special place in his mind, next to the memories of his mother for safekeeping, and never lose them. They were only _his _memories with her anyway.

With Tommy.

~Tommy~

"Maybe we can make some spaghetti?"

"Alice, we're already making steaks," Edward mutters as they walk down the aisles of Forks' only grocery store.

"I know, but we can have a variety," she explains. He ignores her and continues pushing the shopping cart. "Why do you think Rosalie is determined to always change the subject when one of us brings up Tommy?"

"She never did like Tommy."

"No, but she also never _hated_ her. I don't know. I just find it strange. Maybe I'm reading too much into it."

Alice continues to talk away about another subject while Edward nods and answers in short sentences, too concentrated on the food items they need to really hear her out.

Alice has always been a chatty girl. He has learned how to work with her and his own thoughts. His mother would sometimes hush her in her own sweet way and Edward would laugh.

"Remember when Mom would make us ravioli?" Alice asks, as she walks behind him.

Edward sadly smiles to himself, silently answering his sister with a nod.

"You know, just like Rosalie with Tommy, you avoid talking about Mom."

Edward nervously gulps and shakes his head as if not knowing what she is referring to.

But he knows.

He knows exactly what she meant.

He doesn't mean to avoid the subject completely, but he is also not going to explain himself. There is no use.

It's better this way. Tommy would agree.

"Edward!" Alice whispers loudly. He rolls his eyes. There was no need to whisper if she was going to be this loud.

"Yes, Alice?" He asks, still not looking her direction.

"Look who is over at the clearance rack!"

He snaps his eyes up, and there, filling her shopping cart with unnecessary, clearance items, is Renee Swan.

She looks much older since the last time he had seen her. She also has gained some weight. She had always been kind when first approached, but soon she would find something she despised about you and act coldly.

She had always been a confusing person. An angry, bitter and confusing person.

Edward used to hate her. It was too easy to hate her. But now he only felt pity for her. She didn't have the best life as a kid, and he could never put himself in her shoes.

But soon enough Edward remembers why he used to hate her, and looks down at his sister who is nervously tapping her foot.

"Are you going to ask her? Are you going to ask her about Tommy?"

Edward once again glances Renee's way. She looks carefree and relaxed and he angrily shakes his head and pushes his own shopping cart in the other direction.

"She wouldn't know anything about her daughter. She never did."

~Tommy~

"_So your mom was crying? Tommy asked him, as she shoved M&Ms into her mouth._

_Edward nodded and picked at a scar on his leg._

"_Well, do you know why she was crying?"_

"_No."_

"_Well,__do you know if she got in a fight with your dad?"_

"_No."_

"_Well do you know anything, dude?"_

"_Shut up!" He angrily spat at her. "I shouldn't have told you anything. You're not even my friend."_

_Tommy rolled her eyes and shoved another piece of M&M into her mouth. "Then why did you bring me candy?"_

"_I told you, uh…um, I had an extra bag,__and nobody else wanted it."_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_You're annoying."_

_Tommy shrugged. She was still wearing the same clothes. It had been two days since the basketball incident. _

_Her jeans were now torn on both knees. He could see small blood stains on her pale skin that were__visible through the tears. She also smelled funny, but he didn't dare tell her. Her face and neck looked sticky and sweaty._

"_I say you ask your mom what's wrong."_

"_No! She's just gonna say something to get me to stop asking her. She'll tell me that everything is fine like I'm just a stupid kid. She probably does think I'm just some dumb kid."_

"_They all think we're dumb kids, but if you don't ask, Edward, you won't find out."_

_He looked over to her again. She had her tongue sticking out, concentrated on getting the last ball of chocolate out of the yellow wrapper. _

_He began to laugh for the first time in a while._

"_What are you laughing at?" She asked and popped the M&M into her mouth._

"_You," he simply said._

_She smiled and shrugged her small shoulders. "Whatever makes you feel better."_

_He smiled, picking at his shoe laces when suddenly she stood up. _

"_Hey, wanna go catch fireflies?" She asked._

"_How about we play football?"_

"_Nah, we did that last time. How about we go to the river?"_

"_No, how about we play tag?"_

"_You always cheat."_

"_No, I don't! I'm just a better runner than you. Don't be a sore loser!"_

"_Not sore. Just sayin.'"_

"_How about we go climb Mr. Aaron's tree?"_

_She giggled. "Hopefully he won't catch us again. Remember how red his chubby face got 'cause we broke one of the branches!"_

_Edward laughed. "Yeah, I thought he was gonna explode. For sure."_

"_Race you there?" She asked, wagging her eyebrows and playfully pushing him back._

_She didn't even wait for him to accept the challenge before she took off running. Edward laughed and laughed as he ran after her through the woods, forgetting what was waiting at home._

* * *

**I forgot to mention there will be a lot of time jumps during their younger, kid years. Before you know it, they'll be teenagers. It's just so you can see how their relationship developed. It'll make the rest of the story make sense.**

**I know some things about his current life might confuse you, but all questions will be answered in the upcoming chapters. **

**I will be posting again Sunday and again next Thursday, so stick around :) **

**Leave me some thoughts in the review box and follow me on Twitter at HelloElla90 for teasers of the upcoming chapters. **

**Love ya'll,**

**HelloElla**


	4. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for the reviews! I assure you that every single one of them is appreciated. It shows me that you're interested and of course makes others give my story a chance, so thank you all!**

**There will be **_**very**_** few Tommy POV chapters. It's just to give you a little angsty insight to her life. She herself, because she is a kid, won't tell you exactly what's going on, but she will give you clues.**

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

* * *

Chapter 3

"Swan drops back...she throws...score!" Tommy chanted to herself. She had thrown the ball to herself it seemed a thousand times. She could feel and even taste the salty sweat running down her face.

She didn't understand people that didn't love sports like she did.

It was all like a story. An epic story with an epic winner. One mistake and the game could end up on the line. Some teams were bigger, others smaller or faster. But it was really about who could fight the hardest.

_If your hearts is not the biggest, it shows and you deserve to lose._

It was like her life in a way. Her small size and lack of a good supporting team, left her fighting.

Her arm ached after throwing the ball around for so long, so she decided to sit on the grass of her house's backyard. It wasn't much of a yard.

Her mother refused to throw anything away. She kept every little thing. Tommy stared at the broken dump truck she made her dad buy her when she was six. Her mother was furious when they got home and Tommy excitedly carried the toy. It was Christmas and they didn't have money, not even for a tree. But Charlie had won some poker game with his friends and took Tommy out to pick her own gift.

Renee didn't like it very much. It wasn't a gift for a "lady" and didn't talk to Tommy for the rest of the night.

The sky became darker as she waited for her parents to get home. They were hardly ever around. If Charlie wasn't out working one of this two jobs, he was out drinking with his friend Harry and Billy, Jacob Black's father. Her mother tended to sleep a lot because of her diabetes medications, but when she wasn't sleeping, she was at work at the grocery store.

Next to the small truck was her old tricycle her dad bought her from a garage sale when she was eight. It was a rusty old thing and had only worked for a week before the chain busted and a wheel came off. Charlie, her father, had promised he would fix it after Renee yelled at her for making him buy it.

But he never even looked at it again.

The bike was even more rusty and home to a few spider webs.

There was a bunch of junk around. Charlie would nag at Renee to throw things away, but she would burst out in anger and reminded him of all _his _faults, which of course had nothing to do with the mess she owned, but it would shut him up.

Tommy guessed her mom had a tough time letting things go, because she was poor as a kid and didn't have much so she didn't say anything.

She scratched at her head and sighed as the cool breeze became even cooler. She loved to play outside even in the winter. She loved throwing a basketball through the rusty hoop that hung from the garage door until her lungs ached from breathing in cold air.

Renee would yell at her to come inside, but Tommy rebelled.

Renee also didn't like that her daughter called herself by a boy's name, but that didn't stop her. Her mother didn't seem to like a lot of things.

Tommy jumped when she heard the sound of an engine and ran to her room, leaving her football behind. She sighed when she heard her parents arguing downstairs as usual. They seemed tired after work and that made them hate each other.

"Tommy! What the hell is this mess? How many times have I explained to you that the wrappers for this shit you eat go in the trash can? I'm not your maid, you damn kid," Renee shouted, making Tommy's heart race.

"Yes, mother!" She shouted back and ran downstairs. She bumped into her father who mumbled a "good afternoon," before going into his separate bedroom and shutting the door.

Ever since Charlie got let go from the police station, him and Renee had not slept in the same room. Tommy knew this was not normal, but it seemed normal for her parents.

"Look at this!" Renee shouted and pointed at the empty candy wrapper Tommy had forgotten on top of the kitchen table. When she had gotten home from school, there wasn't any food. It was pretty normal, but she had remembered the candy her English teacher had given her a week before and devoured it. She looked up at her very angry mother and then back at the wrapper. "Do you think I'm your goddamn maid, Isabella? Well guess what? I'm not!"

"I just forgot to throw it away, Mom. I..."

Renee broke down into tears and slumped into one of the wooden chairs that didn't match the kitchen.

Tommy didn't know what to do so, besides taking a few steps back out of precaution.

"Then look at you! You don't look like a lady! You look like an animal! A dirty animal. Disgusting. Since when haven't you showered?"

"You said the plumbing wasn't working right. The water won't get warm. Also, I was playing outside."

But her mother wasn't listening. "And then you wear those ridiculous clothes your stupid father bought you! You wear them all the time! You're not a boy!" Renee shouted.

Tommy gulped and took a few more steps back. She hated when Renee was in a bad or sad mood. She said mean things and sometimes _did _mean things.

She had gotten her paleness from both her parents, but Renee would turn a weird shade of pink or red when she got angry. Tommy stared at how red her mother's neck got and took one more step back.

Renee cleared her nose into a napkin and sniffed as she examined her daughter even further.

"You're always been the same, Isabella. I remember you would cry when I would put pretty little dresses on you. You would make such a scandal that it would embarrass me. Then Charlie bought you that stupid cowboy outfit. You remember?"

Tommy just nodded. Of course she remembered that little outfit and the little red boots. It was the first thing she ever loved. She would wear it every day, even against her mother's pleas to let her wash it. Eventually she grew out of it, breaking her heart.

"You were such a tomboy then and you're still one now. You're never gonna get a boyfriend like that. Boys like girls in dresses not in their own clothes."

Tommy huffed and rolled her eyes. "Well I don't want a boyfriend. Boys are stupid," she muttered.

Renee laughed. "You're going to change your mind and then it'll be too late because they'll all just see you as a boy. They'll think you're a dyke. Do you know where those dykes go?"

"What's a _dyke_?" Tommy asked, confused with her mother.

"Women that act, dress and look like men and that want to sleep with other women!"

Even at her young age, Tommy knew her mother shouldn't have told her this in this way. She gasped and her eyes widened.

She just liked boy clothes and sports. She wasn't one of these..._dykes _her mother was talking about.

"I don't like girls!" Tommy shouted as tears filled her eyes. She could already hear the girls teasing her. _What if they found out what dykes were? Would they call her that_? "I don't like girls! I just like football and basketball."

"Well, good. Because dykes go to hell when they die because of their sins! It happened to a girl I knew when I was a little girl. Judy would dress like a boy and..."

"Tommy, go take a shower. The water is warm now," Charlie suddenly said, coming up from behind her and Tommy didn't wait to be told twice. She didn't want to continue hearing about Judy. She ran upstairs and away from their view.

"I told you that I don't like you or anybody calling her that stupid name! Her name is Isabella. She's a girl!" Tommy overheard her mother say to her father.

"Stop telling our kid all these crazy ass stories of your childhood. Can't you see you're traumatizing her?"

"I'm only trying to help her. She needs to understand. These things happened to me so I know what's best. She needs to start acting like a lady!"

"Well maybe if you'd let grow out of this phase and quit scarin' her..."

They argued for an hour or so. Tommy could hear them arguing downstairs and smell food her mother was probably cooking. She jumped each time Renee would slam a pot down or throw something into the sink out of anger.

She could feel her heart racing and her stomach twist into knots. She wished her parents weren't always so mad.

They were _always_ so mad. Never happy. Never satisfied.

Especially her mother.

That night, Tommy took a shower. It felt nice, she had to admit. She stared at her clean self in the mirror and studied every line and blemish.

Her drenched and tangled hair crowned her plain face. Her brown eyes were boring. They didn't sparkle like Rosalie's blue eyes, the girl from school. Her cheeks were lightly freckled and not perfect and clean like Tanya's beautiful skin. Her boobs were nonexistent. She'd heard boys liked boobs. She wasn't curvy and she looked like a boy. Her face wasn't soft and welcoming like a girl's face was supposed to be. She looked serious and cold.

She didn't_ feel_ pretty.

Those girls in school with their nice hair and make-up, they were pretty. She'd heard Lucy Gale had been kissed by Tyler behind the school and that Kate had been asked out to the dance by Edward. According to Jessica, the chatty mouth, Edward's dad was going to pick Kate up and drop her and Edward off at the dance. _They were pretty serious._

Jessica had decided to share that information with the rest of math class while they waited for Mr. Smith to show up.

Tommy didn't know why this bothered her.

But she didn't blame Edward. Kate was the prettiest girl in school. She also smelled nice and knew how to put gunk on her face to make it even prettier.

She didn't have a clue about being girly. She remembered her mother putting on make-up. She would stare at her while she applied lipstick and blush. She remembered thinking her mother was so beautiful. She couldn't wait until she taught her to be like her.

But then Renee got really sad. She became sad when her dad passed away and when Charlie lost his job at the police station. She stopped putting on make-up and Charlie stopped taking her out.

When Tommy noticed all the girls putting on make-up in middle school, she didn't want to ask her mother about it because now she was "Tommy" and besides, she probably didn't know how to do it anymore.

Tommy screamed when her mother barged into her room while she was getting dressed.

"Calm down, it's not like I didn't give birth to you!" Renee said and dropped a basket of laundry on the bed. She turned and looked at her daughter who was desperately trying to cover herself with a towel.

"My goodness, Isabella. You're looking less and less like a lady. Put some lotion on your skin and eat. Maybe if you eat you'll get some boobs and finally look like a girl. When I was your age, I had fabulous skin. How do you think your father laid eyes on me? You're too young now to have a boyfriend, but one day you'll see. Nobody is going look your way if you keep being the way you are."

Tommy put on a big t-shirt and went to sleep with her wet hair and tears in her eyes.

~Tommy~

Tommy sat alone under a tree during gym class. The boys didn't let her join the soccer game and the coach told her to sit out after she told Mike Newton to go screw himself. She didn't want to leave, but he threatened to send her to detention for her foul language.

She stared as the boys kicked the ball around and grumbled about how they sucked without her.

The girls were a feet away from her. She didn't want to sit with them. All they talked about was stupid boy bands and celebrities. They also talked about make-up and boys and she didn't know about either subject so she decided to stay away.

She stared at a small bug crawl up her hairy leg.

She didn't know when she had grown hair on her legs, but when she put on her gym shorts for the first time and stood next to other girls, she realized she was practically a wolf.

She wanted to shave. She wanted to have pretty legs like the other girls.

But she didn't know how.

Maybe she could have stolen her father's raiser, but her mother would get upset of this she was certain.

"Hi," a strange girl said and sat next to Tommy.

Tommy glanced at the girl and rolled her eyes.

"I'm Leah. I'm new. I used to go to school in the Quileute reservation, but my parents decided I needed to come here instead." Leah was a short and dark skinned girl. She wore her hair up in a tight ponytail and thick black glasses rested on her pointy nose. She fidgeted with the cross on her necklace and pulled at her t-shirt which read "Jesus Loves Me" waiting for Tommy to say something.

"Jesus loves you? How rad," Tommy said dryly and went back to staring at the soccer being kicked.

"I don't have any friends and I see you're alone too. Maybe _we_ can be friends?" Leah suggested.

"Uh-huh."

~Tommy~

A few weeks passed and Edward had only asked Tommy a handful of times to hang out. Nobody knew they goofed around sometimes in the woods, catching frogs and climbing trees. Nobody knew they threw a football around when they're imagination was out and that Tommy probably knew more about him and his family than his supposedly closest friends did.

But ever since he asked Kate out for the dance, he's just been hanging out with her. Tommy told herself she didn't care. He was just a stupid boy.

But she wondered how his mother was doing. The last time she had spoken to him, he had told her Elizabeth had come home with tears in her eyes and a bag full of pills. She had never met his mom, but she sounded like nice and felt bad that she was sick.

Tommy tried to ignore that Leah was a Jesus-Freak and that she didn't like sports, especially football and hung out with her at school sometimes. She was nice and never said anything bad and also didn't wear any make-up or talked about stupid boys.

The only boy she talked about was Jesus Christ, but Tommy could bear it. He didn't sound too bad.

But most of the time, Leah hung out with the other Christian kids to talk about how lucky they were to be alive and how much they loved The Lord.

Blah, blah, blah, blah…

Tommy found herself alone, walking through the school's hall in her baggy jeans and oversized shirt and jacket. She placed her Mariners baseball cap over her head and looked down at her feet. It was out nerves. She didn't like looking up. She didn't want to catch someone's eyes. She didn't want to smile politely at anybody.

She passed Edward who only glanced her way and went on pretending he didn't know her. He laughed extremely loudly with his friends and she wondered if it was to show her that he didn't need her.

She was almost out the door when she accidently bumped into a hard body.

She quickly rubbed at her shoulder and looked up to find a furious looking Irina staring down at her. Irina was a tall girl and who played for the basketball team. She was mean as can be according to some of the girls on the team.

"Are you blind or something? You dumb dyke!"

Tommy saw red.

Suddenly her heart was thumping inside her chest and it was hard to breathe. She fisted her hands and without thinking about it, jumped on the much bigger girl. She could hear people shouting and rooting for one to punch or kick. She got two good hits on the other girl's face and a good pull of hair when suddenly large arms and hands were pulling her away.

"You're coming with me!" The principal shouted.

His loud voice rung in her ears and made her new headache worse. She could taste blood in her mouth and her right eye and her left ribs felt like they had been run over by a big truck.

She coughed on some blood and looked around to find a very large circle of students around her and Irina.

Her eyes found Leah who looked worried and frightened and then they landed on a very disapproving looking Edward. He shook his head, rolled his eyes and walked away.

She shoved her hat over her head again and followed the principal to his office while trying not to moan from the pain of her bruises and trying not to curse out of anger at her "not friend."

Screw him.

~Tommy~

"You okay, Swan?"

She looked up and found Edward, no longer looking upset and instead there was a shadow of concern hovering over his shoulders. There were lines of worry on his forehead, the same ones he would get when thinking of his mother.

"You worry too much, Cullen," she muttered. She was sitting by the river, their usual hangout spot. She had been suspended for three days for giving Irina what she deserved. She didn't feel like going home and facing her parents. They wouldn't understand. Her mother would catch sight of her black eye and blame her for it and maybe even do something else to "teach her a lesson."

She didn't want that.

She felt Edward sit next to her, but didn't look his way and instead stared at her dirty sneakers. They used to light up when she took steps. She remembered being so excited when she found them at a garage sale. She had always wanted a pair, but her mother never wanted to buy them for her until they found them for a few bucks. Her mother had been in a good mood that day. She loved it when she was in a good mood. Her mother would make breakfast while listening to music and even make jokes.

The sneakers stopped flashing a few months later and her mom stopped having good mood days. She still held onto them for dear life.

"Does your face hurt?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Maybe my dad can take a look at it. He's a doctor."

"I know he is. But I don't want to. I just want to sit here."

He sighed, pulling her face towards him with his hands. "It looks bad, Tommy. Why did you fight that girl? I was about to go pull her off you but then the principal got there. She's a damn bully. You shouldn't listen to her or anybody else for that matter."

"I punched her first," she grumbled.

"Yeah, but she probably deserved it. Right?"

She found herself grinning and nodding. She tried hiding it but he caught it, giving her a smile of his own. "Next time, aim for the stomach," he said, making her laugh. "Just kidding. Don't fight anymore."

"I can't help it," she breathed. "I get so mad some times." She could feel herself getting angry just remembering Irina's awful words. Her jaw tensed, her heart began to race and her fists clenched by her sides.

She was glaring at the ground until she felt Edward's hands once again on her face. With his thumbs he smoothed the angry lines from her face. The tingling she felt from his skin made her giggle and in return made him chuckle.

"See?" he asked. "All better."

"You're so silly," she said in between giggles. Her sounds of joy suddenly stopped when she felt Edward's arm around her shoulders. She tensed up, but his voice soon soothed her nerves.

"It'll be alright, Swan," he whispered. "Hey, you should come to my house one day. Have you seen _Rambo_? I just got it on tape and it's pretty awesome, dude."

She quickly nodded, hoping he wouldn't change his mind about his invite.

"Yeah, maybe soon," she said.

**Present Time**

Edward has missed the cobbler from Cora's Diner. He remembers how Carlisle would bring him and Alice here because he didn't know how to make anything besides sandwiches and spaghetti.

There were times when he was in college he wished he could fly back to Forks just to have dinner again with his father and sister. He was older now and mature enough to admit that his reasons for wanting to return had nothing to do with cobbler.

"Everything good, Edward? How about another cup of coffee?" the waitress asks. He hasn't asked her how she knows his name. But the whole time he's been here, she has been calling him by that. It wasn't surprising. Everybody knew each other's names in this small town.

People know other people except the ones that walk around with their head down, staring at their own feet and ignoring that everyone else exists.

He thinks maybe some people are just meant to be alone. He doesn't mind that he could be one of those lonely folks. Then again, he would throw away that idea out the window if his only exception would become a reality and not just some bitter sweet memory.

_If she could find it in her heart to forgive him._

She brings him another cup and he suddenly sits up when she takes the liberty to sit in the booth with him. She sits in front of him and gives him a large grin. She has a pierced lip, short and black spikey hair. Her dark skin seems to glow from the sunlight coming through the window.

"You don't remember me, do you?" She asks him.

"Uh, I, uh," he mumbles looking for a nametag on her but sighs when he doesn't find one.

"I forgot my nametag at home today. I'm Leah. We went to school together."

Edward's eyes widen and nods franticly as he's finally realized who she is.

"I'm sorry. It's just that it's been a very long time and you look...different," he tries to explain.

She chuckles and waves her hands at him for him to calm down.

"It's alright. I do look different and we were never friends. You're excused."

Edward smiles and takes a sip from his hot coffee. "So, how have you been?"

Leah shakes her head and licks her dry pierced lips. "Like shit, but I'm almost done with community college. I heard you're a big time business man in Chicago."

Edward rolls his eyes. "I'm trying to be."

Leah smiles and nervously rubs at her neck. "Look, let's cut to the chase. I know you used to talk to Tommy..."

Edward suddenly becomes nervous at the mention of her name. It never fails.

"I did." He can't deny it now.

"I used to talk to Tommy and then I said some pretty fucked up things to her and then she disappeared," Leah says as she moves around some crumbs with her fingers. "I'm not saying I'm the reason she disappeared. To be honest I don't know why she's gone. Nobody does. But she meant a lot to me and knowing the last thing I told her before I never saw her again was some shitty stuff, is a pretty hard pill to swallow. As you can imagine, I feel like shit about it. About how my friendship ended with her..."

Edward really can imagine it. Because he feels it too.

"I would really like to talk to her. Have you heard anything from her? And please don't lie to me."

Edward shakes his head. "Unfortunately, I haven't seen or heard from her since I was 18 years old just like you. I wish I could tell you different."

Leah falls back in disappointment and sighs. "Tommy was such a good person and an even better friend. It sucks that I lost that because I was so awful to her. And to torture me even more, I have to hear the ignorant assholes that live here talk shit about a girl they never really knew. They didn't know her like I did." Leah takes a deep breath and looks out the window. "I'm sorry I'm saying all this to you. You probably don't care, but it's nice to talk to someone that didn't hate her and that might understand me. If you ever see her again, even if you don't talk to her, please tell me. I just want to know that she's alive. I want to know that she's okay."

Edward nods and places a hand over hers. "I promise, Leah. I do if you promise to do the same."

"Of course, but I'm sure you'll see her before I will."

~Tommy~

"_I don't know why you do some of the things that you do."_

"_You sound like my father except he wouldn't really say that because he's never around."_

"_I just don't understand why you get into these fights, Tommy. You're a smart girl. Probably the smartest girl I know and there you go and get your lights punched out."_

"_For your information, I have never been knocked out. And why do you care so much?"_

"_Because I'm tired of seeing you get your ass handed to you. Ever since you first fought Irina...it's like you like fighting and losing."_

_Tommy rolled her eyes and threw the football harder at Edward. He jumped back to catch it._

"_You know what I'm tired of?" Tommy asked as Edward threw her the football back._

"_What?"_

"_Your weak ass throws."_

_He laughed, craning his neck back. "I'll show you, Swan."_

_This time he threw it a little too high and Tommy didn't catch it. It flew over her head and laded a few feet behind her._

"_Ass, you're gonna go get that. It landed in the mud."_

_He chuckled and walked over to it and she followed him. He brushed the mud off the ball and playfully shoved into Tommy's belly making her squeal._

"_You ARE a girl."_

"_Duh," she said._

_He sighed and sat on the grass, ready to look up at the sky as the day ended._

"_Already tired, old man?" She teased._

"_Yes and its getting dark. You already have butterfingers, now imagine you trying to catch in the dark? It could be fatal."_

_Tommy laughed and punched him on his shoulder._

"_You suck, dude." They stayed quiet for a moment, just listening to the night life of the forest and each other breathe._

_From the corner of his eye he could see her tremble and he felt the sudden urge to hug her close, but he remembered it was Tommy and stopped himself._

_He knew years from this moment he would look back and wish he would have gone for it._

"_Do you ever think of her or wonder if she's looking down on you? You know...from heaven if that place does exist," she said, breaking the silence._

_He smiled to himself and glanced up at the sky._

"_Leah is finally getting through that cold heart of yours and bringing Jesus into your life."_

"_Shut up." She shoved him playfully. _

"_I do, Tommy. I think of her all the time. I try not to."_

"_Why is that?"_

"_I think it would hurt less if I didn't think so much about her. I want to dream about something else. What do you dream of?"_

"_I dream about getting out of this town and that house I live in with them...with my parents. But suddenly I see my mother alone and sad, sadder than she usually is and I feel so guilty that I almost start to cry. She tells me that I should never leave her, yet she acts like she hates me. I just don't know what to do anymore."_

_Edward looked over at her and studied the way her face broke into sorrow. He placed a finger under her chin and made her look his way._

"_Be happy, Tommy Isabella Swan. Be happy. No matter what it takes."_

_She roughly pulled away as the tears started to pool in her eyes and angrily wiped at them. She had never liked crying, especially with an audience._

_Especially in front of him._

_She took a deep breath and looked up at the night sky. _

"_Whatever it takes," she said to herself._

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **

**I promise this type of angst won't follow the entire story. I don't believe in 100% angst and no light. Life isn't like that and I truly believe that. Mainly because I write what I know.**

**I'll just leave it at that. **

**Please leave me some review love in the review box below and follow me on Twitter at HelloElla90.**

**Adios**


	5. Chapter 4

**The continued support is greatly appreciated! Hugs and winks.**

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

* * *

Chapter 4

Edward understood he was just a young kid. There was nothing expected from him except for him to grow up and learn from everything that was going on around him.

But he couldn't understand what was going on with his mother or what it meant. _What was he supposed to learn from this? What was the point of having her suffer so much? Was she to learn something herself? _

One night he walked down to the kitchen for a drink of water, but stopped midway when he noticed his mother's presence in the dark living room. Lifelessly, she stared out a window and didn't even jump when Edward asked her if she was okay. She only nodded and continued staring out.

Tommy said her mother sometimes acted the same way, but mostly she would shout and curse. Edward thought Tommy was horrible at making him feel better. He not only felt bad for his own mother, but now felt bad for Tommy. He remembered rolling his eyes at her and walking away.

Days after, he craved talking to her. He wished she had a phone he could call like all his friends did, but then he realized that they were not friends.

So it was okay.

He would just have to wait to see her again.

Tommy had had been acting out lately and he didn't understand why. He tried not to care or worry about it, but every time someone mentioned that Tommy had gotten into a fight in the girl's locker room or that she had been sent to the principal's office by teachers, something in him twisted and made him feel anxious.

He hadn't talked to, or seen her in a week, but just hearing things about her around school made him wonder if he really knew her or if he would ever know how much she had changed since the last time he had seen her.

The morning school was off he spent playing video games instead of trying to find her. He regretted it the moment he felt lonely. He thought of playing with Alice and the babysitter, but he decided girls weren't the best of company. They weren't like Tommy who liked the same things he did.

He turned off his game and TV when he heard a car's engine outside announcing the arrival of his parents. They had gone to Port Angeles for his mother's doctor's appointment.

He didn't understand why they had to travel to another town just for her. His doctor was his own father and he didn't understand why he couldn't help his mother too.

He rushed downstairs to welcome his parents, but stopped when he noticed how tired his mother looked as she walked through their door.

Her eyes were reddened and wet as if she had been crying, and his father held onto her hand as if trying to comfort her.

"We'll get through this, Liz," Carlisle, his father, assured her.

"You're not the one with this…with this awful feeling," she whispered angrily and roughly pulled her hands out of his.

"But I love you and whatever you're going through I go through. I worry."

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, making his parents jump.

"Son, how are you?" Elizabeth asked, quickly wiping her face and forcing a smile. Edward didn't like it when his mom gave him these smiles. He was getting older and smarter, and could easily tell she was not being honest.

"What's wrong with you, Mom?" he asked again.

"Nothing. It's just a little cold. Why don't you and Alice go wash up so you can help me make dinner?"

He nodded, not knowing how to press his mother for better answers.

After dinner, Edward was asked to go to his room, but he could still hear his mother crying and his father trying to console her.

He felt hopeless not knowing how to help his family. He cursed at his young age.

"What do you think is wrong with Mom?" Alice asked. She had come into his room, frightened by her mother's sobs. He let her stay, willing to help his sister cope with the knowledge that something was terribly wrong with their mother. They tried to distract themselves with a silly board game.

"I don't know, Allie," he whispered.

They didn't say anything after that and silently played their game until Alice's widened eyes caught something at his room's window.

"Edward, there's someone out there!"

He turned and jumped at the moving shadow at his window. But when his eyes caught the dirty, blue cap, he sighed and ran to open the way for her.

"Tommy? What the hell are you doing here?"

She giggled and jumped into his room, wiping away at the rain drops that caught her outside.

Alice, frozen on the floor, looked up at her brother's visitor.

"Allie, don't tell our parents, but this is Tommy. We're, umm, we are…"

"Acquaintances," Tommy finished for him.

"Yeah, that."

"What does that mean?" Alice asked, and Tommy giggled at the younger girl's confused face.

"It means we just know each other. Nothing more. Are you guys playing? Can I join? I've never played a board game before." Alice scooted back when Tommy sat next to her.

Edward smirked. Tommy didn't have the best people skills and he found it amusing. What he didn't like was the huge purple bruise under Tommy's left eyes, her busted lip and the cuts on her knuckles.

"Tommy, what happened now?" He asked, pointing at her hands and face.

Alice looked frightened and scooted even further away from the crazy girl. Her wide green eyes studied Tommy from head to toe and she didn't seem to like her findings.

"Damn Leah said something that Jessica Stanley's boyfriend didn't like. He barked at her and I punched him," she said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

He could feel his blood boil but held back. "Don't tell me he hit you back! I'll kick his ass. What the hell is wrong with him? You don't hit girls."

"Calm down, Cullen," Tommy chuckled as she read the game's instructions. "Jessica was the one who gave me this ugly thing. Little blondie has a mean punch."

She turned and looked at Alice who was trying her best not to show that she thought Tommy was crazy.

Tommy laughed and playfully slapped her shoulder. "I know! Jessica was all smug until I punched her back! One thing you gotta know, Allie…"

"Alice…"

"One thing you gotta always remember is to always defend yourself and those you appreciate."

"Don't tell my sister to get into fights," Edward muttered, making Tommy laugh again.

"Don't worry, Allie…"

"Alice," Edward's sister corrected her again.

"If anybody wants to mess with you, let me know and I'll handle them."

Edward rolled his eyes.

They played for a few minutes. Tommy was awful at it, which was strange, since she was such a competitive person. He kept glancing in her direction and studying her bruises. She was crazy and it drove him mad. He could never relax around her.

"So what made you come to my house, and how did you know this was my room?" He asked.

"I just…I just wanted to escape my parents. And I just guessed this was your room."

"You're insane," he muttered.

"You invited me over to watch _Rambo_, remember?"

He suddenly smiled and gave her a nod.

She laughed, giving him a playful shove.

"Why do you dress like a boy?" Alice asked out of nowhere.

Edward wanted to choke his younger sister, but was relieved when Tommy didn't seem to be bothered by his sister's rudeness.

"I just like it, dude," Tommy simply said, and concentrated on her next move in the game. She demanded a high five when she finally earned points making Alice giggle and Edward laugh.

"You're getting there, Swan," he said.

"You best believe it! Me and Allie here are gonna kick your ass, Cullen!"

Edward noticed Alice's smile, and immediately felt relieved. He didn't know why the thought of Alice liking Tommy made him happy.

~Tommy~

Alice left Edward's room an hour later, leaving Tommy and him by themselves and promising not to tell anybody.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to just pack your stuff and go?" Tommy asked, staring at his ceiling.

As they both rested on his bed, he sighed, moving his arm a bit so it wouldn't touch hers. He wasn't sure how she would react of his skin was touching hers.

"Not really," he answered.

"I do. All the time. I could get some crappy job and always be broke, but all on my own."

"Why the heck would you want that?" He asked, thinking her crazy.

"I didn't say I wanted it. I'm just saying…sometimes, being alone is better than accompanied by people that make you unhappy."

"Who makes you unhappy?"

"My parents. Mostly my mom."

He rolled his eyes. "All kids hate their parents…well, not me. But don't be the typical teenager, Tommy."

Tommy chuckled and playfully punched him on his shoulder. "Would you go with me?"

"What?"

"Would you go with me, pretty boy? Would you go with me to the unknown?"

"You're nuts!" He laughed.

She turned to face him and he couldn't help but do the same. She wasn't wearing her stupid hat and it seemed she had washed her hair. She looked different this way. With her wavy hair on one of his pillows, and a clean face, it made her look her age, and like a girl.

He thought she could possibly be… pretty. But he wasn't about to admit that to himself.

"We could live in the woods and be free," she whispered and started playing with the hairs on his arm. Her warm fingertips sent a tingle up his arm and the sprinkle of freckles on her cheeks made him stare.

He suddenly cleared his throat and tried not to let her catch him staring at her face.

"We don't know the first thing about surviving, Tommy," he whispered back.

"We could learn. You could be the man of the house…or the woods. You'll hunt and I'll cook…or maybe I will hunt with you, 'cause I bet I'm a better hunter that you."

Edward smirked. "Whatever, I have a bow and arrow. I think I'm pretty good with it."

"That's cool. Then we could play football and stuff. We could also sleep whenever we want and we wouldn't have to worry about anybody else. We could just be two kids on an adventure."

"You watch too much TV, Swan."

"You're telling me that doesn't nice?"

He smirked. "It does. It could be fun."

"We wouldn't have to worry about our parents. I wouldn't have to worry about my mom being pissed. You wouldn't have to cry over your mom. We could just be kids without a worry in the world."

Edward traced the bruise on her pale face lighted by the moonlight coming through his window. "You know it's too late for that, Tommy. We could never be those kids. Your mom is mad and mine is sad. And even if we went on, living in the woods, they would be in the back of our minds."

She let out a broken breath and squeezed her eyes tightly, letting some tears escape. When she opened them up again, he noticed the way they glistened and the way her bottom lip trembled. He wished he could change everything for the both of them.

But he couldn't.

"I know," she breathed out and took his hand. They held onto each other's hands until she stopped crying. "You better not tell anybody I cried," she said, breaking the silence.

"You better not tell anybody we held hands."

"Yeah, of course. We're not friends, remember?"

"Yes, I remember."

"You never saw me being weak, Cullen. Promise me!"

"I promise," he whispered.

He also promised he wouldn't tell a soul that they didn't let go of each other's hands as they fell asleep, or that she slept with her head on his chest, tightly holding onto his t-shirt.

He promised himself that he wouldn't tell her that he slept with his arms wrapped around her and his nose in her brown, tangled hair.

~Tommy~

**Present day**

The woods have never looked the same to Edward.

He remembers always thinking he was more of a city person. He remembers crying when his father and mother had told him they would be moving away from Chicago and to this the small town of Forks.

Now he thinks about all the memories he made in this same forest…with Tommy. The trees are the only witnesses. They're the only ones that know the truth.

Today he woke up with the idea of taking a walk through the woods, with _her _on his mind. He put his coat on, some good hiking shoes, placed the blue Mariners hat over his head and started walking.

Before long, he is sitting up against a tree relaxing to the sounds of the living things around him. In a few days, he will leave this town and permanently live in Chicago. He has been living in Illinois for the past five years, but not knowing it was permanent always gave him the impression he might have to be back to Forks as a resident. But now he knows that will not be the case, and he is filled with strange melancholy.

Perhaps it's because he finally has to leave this town and his history with it behind. He has spent so much time denying it, but something always pulls him back. He knows what it is.

It's the hope that she'll show up. She'll come back, and he won't be here to witness it. His father is always busy with the clinic, and he can't count on anybody else to tell him.

Nobody is going to tell him that Tommy finally came back.

He fears that he'll finally give up on the idea that she is alive. He doesn't want to.

He refuses.

Because if he does, it'll mean she is gone forever. And somehow, he can't live with that notion. It'll become real. Too real.

He's not ready to let go just yet.

He walks again, not daring himself to enter the meadow where he and Tommy used to play football and baseball or where they would go just to escape home.

"Anywhere but home," Tommy would say.

He now realizes how much she meant that. His mature mind is now able to comprehend what he could only feel as a kid. He felt her fear back then, and it was overwhelming.

Now he has the knowledge of what was happening and the answer, but no Tommy to help. He imagines himself traveling back into time and talking to a seventeen year old version of Tommy. He sees himself giving her advice and wrapping that arm around her shoulders, no longer worried about what it means.

He would tell her everything is going to be okay. He would assure her of it.

But he can't.

Edward continues walking, passing the cliffs of La Push. He stops when he hears a truck stop behind him and nervously smiles when he sees who it is.

"Edward? Dude, what the hell?" Jacob Black hasn't changed. He's still incredibly tall and fit. His long black hair, still in a ponytail. Edward can't believe he seems happy to see him. The last time he spoke to him, Edward was apologizing for punching the shit out of him. "When were you going to tell me you were back?"

Edward shakes his hand and gives him a friendly grin. "I was trying to avoid you," he jokes.

"Damn, asshole, you should at least flip me off or something, let me know you live. How are you doing?

They go on to share stories of the past years. Jake is trying to manage a mechanic shop but is having a difficult time. Edward doesn't share he's doing well with his own job and only explains that he is moving to Chicago for a different opportunity.

"Well, you sure look like you're doing all right! You've gotten taller."

Edward laughs. "I doubt it. You're the goddamn freak."

Jake nods in agreement, and nervously crosses his arms over his chest. Edward furrows his eyebrows in confusion not knowing why his friend, if he can call him that, has changed his usual happy demeanor.

"Dude, have you, umm, uh, have you heard anything about Tommy?" Jake asks.

Edward's smile drops and so does his heart.

"No, I haven't. I wonder why everybody asks me that," he says.

Jake smiles. "Well, we all know the special bond you guys had."

"What?" Edward asks.

"You know what I mean. Besides, I still remember you punching me because of her."

Embarrassed, Edward turns away, looking down at his feet.

"I'm sorry, dude. I wasn't all there back then. Tommy…she just…"

"She was just confusing as hell. You know, she and I were only friends. You know that, right?"

Edward furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Yeah, why would I think otherwise?"

"Just…that night, you looked like someone had stolen her from you."

He doesn't respond, knowing that was exactly how he felt.

"And then she disappears for good just a short while after," Jacob says.

"Yeah, well…I wish I knew where she was, I wish she would have at least let me tell her goodbye, you know?"

Jake nods and takes a breath. "The last time I saw her was the day after graduation. Right after you jumped the cliff."

Edward snapped his eyes to his old friend. "What? You saw her that day?"

"Yeah, I came running down the hill to try and see if you'd drowned or something, but I got side tracked when I saw her running out of the woods in tears."

"Tears?"

"Yeah, man, she was sobbing. She looked pretty messed up. I didn't ask her what was wrong. I don't think she saw me. But I did…and that was it. I never saw her again. Do you think something bad happened to her? Do you think she…you know…put an end to herself?"

Edward shakes his head, thinking of the moments before Jacob must have seen her. He remembers the conversation they had after they both got out of the water. He remembers it all the time.

She spoke, and he ignored her.

He had been acting like a complete jerk back then, and he wonders if he was the reason Jake saw her crying.

_But she seemed so calm before she ran off into the woods. _

He should have known better.

Tommy had always been good at hiding how she really felt.

"No, man. Tommy was…messed up emotionally, but she wouldn't have done that to herself," Edward says.

"When I found out she had gone missing, I went back to the spot where I saw her and followed some footprints, but then they just disappeared," Jacob says. "I kinda felt bad, you know? I was kind of an asshole to her when we were kids…"

"A lot of kids were, Jake."

"I know, but it's all just fucked up. I was hoping I would find some trace of her, but she just vanished, dude."

Edward nods, only paying half attention to him; thinking back on those days full of regret.

He wishes he could tell her how he really felt back then.

How he feels now.

~Tommy~

"_I can't believe we're doing this, Tommy. We're gonna get into so much trouble," Edward muttered as he followed the crazy girl through the woods._

"_It'll just be for one day. We'll be back tomorrow," she said, waving off mosquitoes__and trying not to trip._

"_My dad is going lose it when he reads my letter."_

_Tommy giggled. It had been her idea to run off for one day and camp in the woods like in her dreams. They would be kids at least for one day._

_No worries._

_No arguments._

_No sadness._

_Just kids._

_She left a letter for her parents letting them know that she would return in 24 hours and suggested to Edward to do the same._

_So he did._

_Tommy suggested they stay close to the water and set up camp early. According to her, she was an expert from watching TV all day on the weekends and playing videogames._

_Edward didn't believe her, but he had no choice but to follow her direction._

_They bickered as they set up the tent, bickered over what to eat, weenies or marshmallows, and bickered over what game to play. Edward smirked when she finally agreed to go fishing._

_Of course, they only had one fishing rod that Tommy had stolen from her dad, Charlie. They took turns holding it while the other threw rocks into the water, ignoring the fact that this could scare off the fish. _

"_What do you think is on the other end of the ocean?" Edward asked._

_Tommy shrugged. "The rest of the world," she muttered._

"_Don't you find it kinda weird that we can't see It?"_

_She giggled and shook her head. "Don't tell me you're scared of water."_

"_Well…I'm not!"_

_Tommy giggled, but she noticed how upset Edward was; she__quickly stopped and scooted closer to him._

"_I'm sorry, dude. I didn't know it was serious. Don't you know how to swim?"_

"_I do. I'm just bad at it. I just don't like deep water, okay?"_

"_It's fine. Everyone scared of something," she whispered._

"_What are you scared of?"_

"_I'm scared of getting older."_

"_What? Why?"_

_She nodded, but he could tell she was lost in thought. She didn't say anything after that, and when he offered to give her the fishing rod, she let him keep it._

_When they got bored of fishing, they played games, and then took a dip in the water, with Tommy promising not to pressure him to go in too far. Edward proved his manliness when he killed a spider for Tommy, who was finally acting like a girl in fright._

_He teased her, but they both laughed. They were having too much fun to argue again. _

_They played hide and seek, and when Tommy tackled Edward to the ground, he quickly pulled away. She had gotten too close._

_They ate weenies heated over their campfire which tasted awful. They read comic books until it was too dark to see anything. Before they could call it a night, they jumped when someone called out their names._

_Edward's heart hammered in his chest, knowing one of the voices belonged to his father. _

"_Dang it! I told you they would find us!" He said and looked over at Tommy who only stared at her feet._

"_Yeah, I guess we need to get back," Tommy said and started packing her stuff._

"_How are you so calm about this? My parents are going to ground me!"_

_Tommy didn't respond. When Carlisle and Charlie__**,**__ found them, Edward tried to explain himself, but noticed Tommy didn't even try. _

"_Let's go home, Edward!" Carlisle said sternly. _

_Edward sighed, and with his head down, followed his father. He took one last look behind him and found Tommy walking in the other direction with her dad._

_She turned around, and with tears in her brown eyes, gave him an honest and wide smile. She waved and disappeared into the woods._

_Carlisle lectured Edward all the way home. The young boy just stared out his window and scratched at his mosquito bites._

"_Your mother is sick and your sister is lonely. Son, I'm tired. I need your help. I need you to start acting like a young adult and stop giving me more worries. As soon as we get home, you're going to apologize to your mother and go to your room."_

_Edward mumbled a "yes sir" and sighed. He stared as they passed the woods and wondered what kind of lecture Tommy would get. _

_He started to worry about his mother and wondered if his father would get sick too._

_Tommy had said they were being asked to grow up too fast. _

_She was right._

_They were no longer kids. But at least they had that memory. He remembered all the fun they had, the carefree time that passed and stuff they talked about, and a smile appeared on his face._

_At least they could always look back at the one day they were allowed to be free. _

_Even if the rest of their lives would be difficult. _

_At least they had the memory of that day. He could play the images in his mind and rewind them all the time. He knew she would do it, too._

_Forever._

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**Did you have any crazy ideas/dreams as a kid?**

**Leave me some review love in the review box!**

**And follow me on twitter at HelloElla90**


	6. Chapter 5

**The continued support is greatly appreciated! Hugs and winks.**

**I'm nervous about this chapter. **

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

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Chapter 5

Tommy started missing days from school.

At first, Edward thought perhaps she was skipping class or she had given up on trying to play with the boys, but her complete absence became the new topic for the gossipy girls.

She would show up for a day or three and then would go missing. Not just from school, but also from her secret visits to his house. She had broken her promise to watch _Rambo_ for the fifth time with him. She never showed.

When the topic finally reached the boy's daily basketball game during gym class, Edward tried his best not to show interest. But the truth was that it was making him anxious again.

Tommy didn't do anything else besides make him anxious.

He didn't even know why he hung out with her.

They weren't even friends…

The day the Quileute boys invited him to join them for a basketball game in La Push, was the day he realized he hated Tommy.

Or at least that's what he told himself.

Now he had to join and didn't have any excuse not to play with the large bullies that teased him for being slim and shorter than them and that talked about things that he knew were wrong. If he told them no, they would probably beat him up.

"I heard her mom is crazy."

"Yeah, David, who lives next to them, says he can hear her screaming all the time."

"I heard they're poor."

"Well, they look it."

"My mom told me her parents leave her by herself all the time, and that's why she's the way she is. That her mom and dad are losers."

Edward dribbled the ball and tried his hardest not to listen. It made him angry that they would say things like that. It made him bite down with frustration that Tommy didn't come from a regular family and that he liked hanging out with her. It made him nervous that he liked hanging out with a freak.

He dribbled the ball harder and harder until it slapped his hand and bounced off his foot. He sighed and said his goodbyes. He thought of Tommy all the way back into town, but before he reached his house, he detoured his bike in another direction.

Tommy's neighborhood wasn't as bad as the boys in La Push made it seem. It wasn't like _his_ nice neighborhood, that was for sure, but it wasn't horrific. He asked the kids playing on the street if they knew where she lived.

Of course they did.

They pointed at the white house at the end of the street. It looked crooked and old. Some of the white paint had chipped away, leaving brown wooden spots behind. The fence around the home looked like a strong wind could blow it away, while the dead trees in the front lawn drooped forward, ready to fall.

He rode his bike to the back of her house and looked around, trying to find signs of her.

The Swans had a lot of junk in their backyard. He wondered if they collected things, or, if in fact, Tommy's mom was crazy.

He jumped off his bike when he noticed her blue cap and then some movement. He walked up to the fence and stretched his neck hoping to see her. He held back a smile when she noticed him. Maybe he was seeing things, but he thought, for a moment, that she had fought back a smile, too.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked, as she made her way to him.

"I was just passing through," he lied.

"How do you know I live here?"

"I didn't. I just saw you and decided to stop," he lied again.

"Oh," she said and scratched at her head. She looked dirty and sweaty. Her blue cap was stained, but it still served to cover most of her tangled hair. She wore shorts and it was the first time Edward noticed the bruises on her pale legs.

"How are you? Why haven't you been to school? Are you sick or something?"

Tommy giggled and shook her head. "I just don't want to go."

"Why not? You know you have to go."

"I just don't care, Edward, okay? Jesus. Not everyone is a schoolboy like you," she muttered and threw a rock into the pile of junk in her backyard.

"Don't you wanna go to college? You know you can't go if you suck at school. Don't you wanna be someone when you grow up?"

She huffed and picked up another rock. "I _am_ someone. And I don't know if I want to go to school. I don't even know what I wanna do tomorrow. I'm only twelve years old."

"But you should go to school."

She threw the rock and didn't even flinch when it broke something in the pile of junk. She rolled her sleeves up to her elbow and lifelessly stared at the nothingness behind Edward.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Her movements, eyes, voice…it all seemed forced and slow as if it was taking her so much exhausting effort to exist.

She almost reminded him of his mother.

"Edward, do you ever wish you were someone else? Do you ever wish you weren't…you? Like, do you close your eyes and imagine yourself somewhere that wasn't here and in someone else's body?"

He didn't know how to respond to her questions and shook his head. He remembered the times he felt sad or maybe even mad. His father or mother would hug him and tell him everything would be okay.

He wanted to do the same for Tommy, but there was a fence in between them and she wouldn't take it well.

They weren't friends.

"I don't wanna be home," he confessed.

She finally looked at him and gave him a sad smile. "Is it because of your mom?"

Edward didn't want to admit it and pretended like he didn't hear her question.

"Do you wanna play or something? Maybe, we can go inside your house, and we can play video games or we could play football," Edward suggested.

Tommy slowly shook her head, her lifeless eyes returning to the spot behind him as she placed her hands on the fence. "No, I don't feel like doing anything. Go home, Cullen."

He placed his hands close to hers on the fence, but made sure he didn't touch her. He could feel the warmth from her body, and smell her Tommy-like scent, the one that hinted that she spent too much time outside. He didn't want to give up. He didn't want to go home.

"Isabella?" A woman shouted, making Tommy jump.

"Get out of here!" She angrily whispered at him, but he was frozen. The anger in the woman's voice was chilling and made his heart race.

"You stupid little girl!" The woman yelled. "You broke my old vase."

She appeared from behind all the junk. She was a pretty lady, but Tommy looked nothing like her, although Edward noted they both had the same pale skin.

The woman's face changed when she noticed the young boy, and a smile appeared on her face.

"Isabella, is this your friend?" She asked. Her voice was sweet and soft, unlike the voice she used moments before.

Tommy didn't react and only muttered her answer with no emotion on her face. "No, Mom, he's Edward. We go to school together. But he's not my friend."

It had been their agreement. They wouldn't be friends. But he didn't understand why her comment made him uneasy. Edward nodded in agreement with Tommy, but the woman didn't seem to care for her response.

"Well, why don't you invite him in for dinner? Maybe he can help you catch up on your homework?"

Tommy was about to decline when Edward finally let go of the fence. "I actually have to go. My parents are waiting for me, but thank you Mrs. Swan," he said and looked at Tommy.

He didn't understand the look on her face. He didn't want to leave; he wanted to stay and find out what was wrong with her, but that wouldn't be possible.

He wasn't supposed to care, and she was a freak anyway.

Guilt filled the young boy as he rode his bike away from Tommy's house, and as he tried to convince himself that he didn't care what happened to the girl that wasn't his friend.

But he did. Very much so.

~Tommy~

"Edward? Sweetie? Wake up."

Edward slowly opened his tired eyes and sat up when he realized his mother was hovering above him. He looked at his clock and realized it was only six in the morning and a Saturday.

"Mom? Are you okay? Why are you waking me up?"

She smiled, but it didn't reach her glossy reddened eyes.

"Let's go camping," she whispered and kissed his forehead.

Edward looked at her with a confused look. "But you hate camping, and Dad is working today. He said so."

Elizabeth shook her head and continued smiling. She caressed his cheek and gave him another kiss on the forehead. "Son, I love you so much. You're the reason I live. You know that right?"

Edward realized his mother was acting strangely again. But this had been the worst. He could feel the tears pooling in his eyes as he realized his mother was indeed very sick. He didn't know what to do. He felt hopeless. He wanted to help her, but he didn't know where to start.

"Alice is going to stay here with your dad. He's not going into work until later. We'll be back by then. Come on, go with me," she begged.

Edward nodded and took his mother's hand.

~Tommy~

"Mom, we didn't bring everything we need."

"It's quite all right. Let's just set up camp."

Edward sighed and handed her a jacket. She was still wearing her pajamas. She had refused to put on some real clothes when he had suggested it. He didn't understand her rush to get to the woods.

It was cold, almost freezing.

But she didn't seem to care.

"My boy," she whispered as she sat by the campfire he had made himself. "You did all this on your own?"

He nodded, sitting next to her on the cold ground.

"You're becoming a young man. You're going to be such a wonderful man when you get older. You'll be good, really good."

"Mom, why are we out here?" He asked, but she ignored his question.

"That Tommy girl? Is she your friend?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"She should be. You two seem to get along. Don't let what others think ruin what two have. You could be such great friends. Maybe, the best of friends."

He didn't respond and instead just sat next to his mother as she continued talking about different topics. He placed a blanket over her shoulders and hoped whatever was going on in her mind would stop so they could go back home. He hoped she stopped being sick in the mind.

The fire was becoming weak, so he stood up, ready to fix it. "I'm gonna go get some more firewood, Mom. Stay here. I'll be right back."

She simply nodded and gave him a small smile. "I love you, son," she whispered.

He nodded and walked away.

He grumbled to himself as he walked through the woods. He just wanted to stay in bed all day and play video games. He wished his mother wasn't sick.

As he picked up a large, dry tree branch, a scream echoed in the woods making him jump. He stopped what he was doing and ran back to where he had left his mother sitting.

He ran as fast as his feet and legs would allow it. The cold wind cut into his skin, and his lungs ached from breathing it in, but he didn't allow anything to stop him.

When he reached the spot where he had left his mother, his heart sank when he realized she was no longer there.

He ran around, searching and shouting his mother's name with no response.

He reached the cliffs of La Push, and with fear running through his entire body he looked down.

Maybe she had fallen.

Maybe she was drowning.

His green eyes frantically searched the wild waters down below. Wave after wave hit the walls of the cliff, but no signs of his mother.

He ran down to the bottom until he reached the waves. The angry waters ran along and seemed unending; and then, suddenly, he spotted his mother moving along with the tide.

"Mom!" He shouted with all his might.

She didn't move or say anything. Her closed eyes and bloody head scared him.

He didn't want to lose his mother, and certainly not like this.

He took his shoes and his jacket off and ran into the waves. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before jumping into the freezing water to reach his mother.

~Tommy~

**Present day**

Edward sits in the meadow wearing Tommy's cap and remembering all the games they played here and the night of senior prom.

He smiles to himself, remembering how he didn't have to wait very long when he called her and asked her to meet him.

He remembers how much fun he had with her and how his cheeks ached from all the laughing. His life had always felt like a tragedy. He couldn't stand the pity he saw in people's eyes, and their comments about his mother.

Tommy knew that.

She never once showed him that she felt pity or treated him any differently. The moments he had with her, were for the most part, some of the happiest he remembers after that morning his mother took him camping.

Tommy helped him feel like a kid.

Like the kid he was supposed to be.

Young and free. If only they could have stayed that way. _Young and magical _as she would say.

"Goddamnit Tommy," he whispers and pulls the hat off his head. He caresses all the holes and the fading Mariners logo. "I miss you. I do. I miss you so much."

~Tommy~

"_Edward?" _

_He heard her voice and wanted to open his eyes, but he felt everything in pain. He groaned, trying to communicate with her, hoping she wouldn't leave._

_He wanted her to stay._

_He felt her rough hand take his and another hand run through his hair._

"_Nobody knows I'm here. I snuck in. Even though I think your dad would have let me come see you. He's pretty nice, but I didn't wanna risk it."_

_He felt her get closer to him._

"_I promise I won't ever tell anybody. It'll just be a secret between you and me. I won't ever talk about it either. I promise if you promise to get better," she said. He had no idea why she was promising this. He opened one eye, taking him a moment to take her in._

_She smiled, her face was smudged with dirt and her hair was damp._

_She smelled like a wet dog, but he had never felt so relieved to see her as he did at that moment._

_He squeezed her hand with his and she did the same when the lightning and thunder sounded outside his window. He could feel his heart ache and his eyes fill with tears. "Tommy?" He asked in a broken sob._

"_Yeah, Edward?"_

"_You know what happened, right?"_

_Her eyes studied his face, before she gave him a soft nod and rubbed his hand._

_As she confirmed his reality, Edward released his pain in thundering sobs, not caring that she was there or how loud he was. She let him and didn't say a word, and didn't try to calm him down like his father and doctors had done before. He had shouted and cried for his mother, but he was only told to calm down._

_He sobbed until it hurt his chest and dried his throat. He caught sight of her dirty hands drying his face with a paper towel and leaned into her touch. He let her see him this way and occasionally let out a broken breath._

"_Tommy?" He whispered her name after a few minutes of his pain and listening to the beeping of the machines. _

"_Yeah?"_

"_You're not gonna die too, are you?"_

_She gave him a watery smile and shook her head. "No way, dude. And you're not gonna die either. We're gonna be young and magical forever."_

_He wanted to smile, but another sobbing attack took over and tears poured out of his eyes._

_She buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He cried into her hair, ignoring the damp smell. He held onto her as if letting go would kill him._

_Nothing would ever be the same. _

_He held Tommy with all his might as his body shook, and his sobbing continued._

_And as the sun rose, and a new day began, the memory of his mother became the only thing, he would ever have left of her. _

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**There is a moment in life that changes everything. **

**Please let me know what you think in the review box. I would love to read what you guys think.**

**For those asking when Tommy will show up "present" time, it's going to be a slow burn. You have to learn how her relationship with Edward developed and grew to much more than a childhood friendship. It's the only way you'll understand why Edward is so devastated over losing her. **

**Until next time,**

**HelloElla **


	7. Chapter 6

**I'm so happy so many of you are sticking to this angsty story and thank you so much. I swear the tingles in your feels will be worth it at the end.**

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

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Chapter 6

"Edward? Are you hungry, son?" Carlisle asked from the other side of his son's door.

It took Edward a moment to answer. It had been three months of not using his voice, and it was as if his brain had forgotten how to make it function. "No," he finally said, and continued to stare at the images on his television.

He could hear his father sigh from behind his door. "You have to eat, son. Mrs. Cope will be coming today for you and your sister and want you to eat before."

Mrs. Cope was an old and retired teacher Carlisle had met while tending to her small heart attack one day. When he realized his son and daughter were not coping with life's tragedy, he didn't have the heart to force them to go to school.

He hired her to homeschool them until they felt like they could face the world. Perhaps this wasn't the right thing to do, but Carlisle really didn't know any other way.

The few times Edward had dinner with his father and sister in the dining room, he couldn't help but notice how tired and much older his father looked. He realized he wasn't the only one suffering the loss of his mother.

She died.

She didn't even say goodbye.

He wasn't ready. He was young, but he knew nobody was ever ready to lose a parent, but somehow it seemed more unfair for him and Alice. It just didn't seem to make sense.

She was young and beautiful. Though he didn't know what kind of "sick" she was, her accident didn't seem to be the end she deserved.

She deserved to live many years more. She needed to take care of him and make sure to teach Alice how to dress, shave her legs and put on make-up, and all those girly things moms are supposed to teach their daughters.

She was supposed to pester him about his messy room, embarrass him in front of future girlfriends and be there when he fell. She was supposed to be around. She was supposed to run towards him, with outstretched arms, reaching for him when he fell from grace.

But now she was gone.

"I'm just not hungry, Dad. I promise," he muttered.

"Okay," Carlisle said.

Edward returned his attention to the TV once again. His body begged for rest, but he was too afraid to close his eyes. Every night nightmares accompanied him to the early hours of the morning.

His mother was usually there. Each time it seemed real. It seemed as he could save her like he failed to do in the first place. She would reach for his hand, but his was too small, and he was too weak.

He lost her every night.

He woke up in the hospital, not remembering anything after the moment he jumped into the cold water that took her from him.

He blamed himself.

They told him that she had hit her head on the fall and died instantly and that there was nothing he could have done even if he had caught up to her.

It wasn't his fault.

But the jump and failed rescue was not what he was referring to.

He should have never let her leave the house. He should have woken his father. His mother was sick, and even though he didn't understand how, he knew what she wanted wasn't right.

He knew it, and he didn't do anything about it, but play along. He played along with her sickness like a coward.

Sometimes he was too tired to rest. His mind didn't give up. It played images of his mother over and over, and he watched and watched. She was there when he closed his eyes, and she was in his thoughts when he opened them.

Nothing would ever be the same. The ache in his chest would never go away. His mother would never be there again to pull him into her arms as if he was a child, the way mothers are supposed to.

He let the tears fall from his eyes, blurring his vision and making the images on the television mere silhouettes that he did not care for.

He silently sobbed into his pillow, feeling eternally weak and small.

~Tommy~

An hour later, his door opened and he didn't have to look to see who it was. He didn't react when his bed moved or when his sister rested her head against his headboard.

They watched TV together in silence for the remainder of the morning. They really hadn't spoken much to each other. He remembered how much she cried for her "mommy" at the funeral and how hard and close he held her in fear that she would break apart. He didn't want to lose his sister either.

But as time passed, he realized his sister was much stronger than him when it came to 'dealing.' A week ago, she had expressed interest in returning to school, while he couldn't even fathom the idea of having to face the world outside his blue-walled room. He hoped she would change her mind and stay with him just a little longer.

Mrs. Cope came and gave them their school lessons and left. Edward wanted to complete his assignments, but he knew he was doing everything with half a heart. He could remember how before his mother became sick, she would help him and make sure he was doing everything right.

His father was too busy calling and answering calls from relatives and insurance companies and dealing with his own broken heart. They ate the soup he had made for dinner and tried to hide their faces as they tasted the bland liquid.

He was struggling.

The aging man dug his hands into his blonde hair and sighed as his children stared at the floating pieces of carrots in their bowls.

Edward felt like he needed to do something to help. He was older than Alice, and he felt a responsibility for his sister and father, but he just didn't have the energy.

Carlisle slammed his spoon down on the table, making them jump. "I want a burger. Let's go to Cora's Diner. Get your coats, kids."

They didn't protest though they didn't want to go. He didn't say anything as he drove and stared lifelessly at the road ahead of him.

He ordered cheeseburgers for all three of them and said grace before they started eating. Edward ate half his burger and stared out the diner window for the rest of the time, wondering if he would catch a glimpse of Tommy.

He remembered how he did the same at his mother's funeral. He didn't know why he searched for her if her family wasn't invited, but there was a small part of him that hoped she would be there.

And she was.

She stood a few feet away from where his mother would rest forever, staring at him with sadness in her brown eyes. When the ceremony was over, he ignored his father calling to him and his relatives offering their condolences and walked to Tommy.

They stood in silence for a minute, staring at each other's shoulders, avoiding eye contact until with a broken whimper, she said, "I'm so sorry, Edward," and wrapped her arms around him. He didn't understand why she cried over _his_ dead mother, but he didn't care. He only cared that he could cry into her neck as she held him and that she didn't say a word.

He wouldn't have made it through it without her. Of this he was certain.

After the funeral, Tommy had visited him every night for weeks. She would sneak into his room and sometimes he would wait for her by his window. He would never admit it, but he looked forward to the end of the day, knowing she would soon arrive. She would bring a game for them to play or would make him watch a sports event with her. Sometimes she would stay the night and sleep on his couch while he stared at the ceiling, too distraught to close his eyes. She would bring him cookies or cake her mother had baked when she was in a good mood.

They once watched _Rambo _three times in one day while eating a bunch of junk she had brought in her backpack. Edward couldn't remember a better day than that. She made him promise never to watch the movie without her.

She never asked about his mother or about how he 'felt' like everyone else. She was just…herself. And when the pain and sadness got too real and unbearable, she would just sit next to him, holding onto his hand while he let it out.

He soon realized he lived his days in anticipation just to see her climbing through his window. It was better than the sadness that had taken over him.

But then she suddenly stopped visiting.

And she didn't show up at the diner.

He wanted so bad to go to her house and demand an explanation for her absence, but that would require for him to get out of his bed and to admit that they might be friends.

No.

They weren't, and he wasn't going to get out of his bed.

The next day, after Mrs. Cope left, Rosalie came over. She hardly ever visited her Uncle Carlisle and wasn't the friendliest of Edward and Alice's cousins, but ever since the funeral she had been very attentive of them.

Edward realized she wasn't so bad, but still kept his distance, while Alice desperately wanted to befriend her.

"So anything going on in school?" Alice asked, while both girls sat on Edward's couch.

He rolled his eyes and continued staring at the TV.

"Nothing much. Mrs. Beasley retired, and Jessica and Mike broke up."

"Again?"

"Yup."

"Is anybody saying anything about us?" Alice asked.

"Alice, don't," he muttered and flipped the channel.

"What? I just wanna know."

Rosalie sighed and shook her head. "Not really. At first, everyone was saying…stuff. Everyone felt really bad, but now things are back to normal. You guys should come back. Everyone moved on to the topic of Tommy Swan."

Edward sat up and realized that maybe if he returned to school he would see Tommy again, and he could ask her what was her problem. Maybe going back to school wasn't a bad idea.

"Tommy? What about her?" Alice asked, as if reading her brother's mind.

"Oh, she got taken away from her parents!" Rosalie said with excitement over the gossip.

"What?" Edward asked and finally paid full attention to his cousin.

"Yeah, my mom says it's because of suspected neglect of a minor or something like that. They found Tommy all alone in her house with no food and all bruised up. My dad says leaving a minor on her own for as long as she has been is against the law. The Swans are trying to get her back, but she's currently in some place the state put her."

Edward sat back trying to calm himself. He worried about Tommy. He wondered if anything bad had happened to her.

Edward shook his head when he realized he was planning ways to find her and help her escape.

_Would he ever see her again?_

_What if she never came back to Forks?_

_What if she was hurt?_

He wished he knew a way to find out.

~Tommy~

"It's good to have you back."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"If I ever lost my mother, I think I would lose it."

"We're here for you."

"You know, I'm a teacher, but I care."

"You know I'm your friend, if you ever need anything…"

"Son, I just want you and your sister to know everyone in this school is here for you."

Edward hated how they showed their kindness with awkward smiles and squinted eyes; and the way their voice pitch went high or low when they spoke with pity and sorrow.

He looked around the school during breaks and lunch for the blue baseball cap.

But she was nowhere to be found.

He wished she was around so he that he could ask her if she saw the Seattle Seahawks play on Sunday. If she had watched _Rambo_ without him. He wanted to know if she wanted to go catch lizards in the woods or if she wanted to climb the tree in his backyard.

He wished she was around so he could just be free of everyone's sorrowful eyes.

Oh, how he wished he could cry.

She would let him.

~Tommy~

One day, while Edward tried to shove his math book into his locker, a rumble erupted down the hall.

He stared on as kids ran down to the end of the corridor and began to chant.

He stopped Tyler from running. "Dude, what's going on?"

"Tommy and Irina are going at it again!" Tyler pulled away and ran to the crowd.

Tommy was back.

She was back and mixed with excitement and fear all at the same time; he ran behind Tyler.

He squeezed his way through the crowd. He could see Irina's blonde ponytail flying and fists in the air.

When he got to the front of the crowd, so did the principal and Mr. Medina, the biology teacher. The men pulled both girls apart.

Edward's heart stopped when he saw Tommy hold her bloody nose and the anger in her brown eyes. She looked thinner than the last time he had seen her, and her brown hair was much longer.

Her boyish clothes were bigger on her, causing her to pull up her pants as the principal dragged her to the school office.

Edward grabbed her blue cap from the floor and decided today was a good day to skip English and follow Tommy.

"Swan, wait right here and don't move!" The principal shouted as Irina walked into his office with a bloody lip. She was much taller than Tommy, even taller than the principal. Edward didn't understand why Tommy picked fights she couldn't possibly win.

Maybe this was her life. It seemed she was always fighting a losing battle in hopes that fateand luck would one day be on her side.

She sat in one of the office chairs, letting the blood drip from her nose to her shirt while the secretaries and teachers stared at her as if she was a freak.

Edward sighed and sat on the chair next to her. She didn't move or look in his direction. She stared lifelessly at the ground.

He studied her face for a moment. She was losing her baby face and looking older. He wondered if he was doing the same.

Not that it mattered. They both had always felt older.

Much older.

Always.

He gently placed her blue cap over her head, sighing as she didn't even flinch. He grabbed some tissue from one of the secretaries' desk and handed them to Tommy.

"Are you okay?" he whispered as she held the tissue to her nose.

She gave him a watery smile, finally looking at him in the eyes. "Yes. Are you?" She didn't let go of his gaze until he answered.

"I am," he whispered. His hand slowly neared hers as he let out a broken breath. "I think we're gonna be okay, Swan." Gently, his fingers grazed hers.

Her eyes held his stare for a moment longer before he took her hand in his.

She deeply inhaled as her watery eyes finally let go of the tears she was trying to hold back. "Is that a promise?"

They squeezed at each other's hands, while their fingers intertwined together in the small space between their chairs.

His heart raced as he desperately felt the warmth from her hand flow into his.

"It is," he finally said. "It has to be."

He quickly rubbed the pale skin below her bloody knuckles with his fingertips, not letting go until it was her turn to face her punishment.

**Present Time**

"I can't believe it's been 12 years since she passed away," Alice whispers as she and Edward stand over their mother's grave.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I've always felt like shit for not being there for you," he says.

"No. Don't. You needed to grieve. Things were never the same after that and it wasn't your fault. We were just kids."

"I know. But I think she would be proud of you, Al. You did so well. You handled it with so much strength. You lived your life like you were meant to live it. Who would have thought Alice Cullen would graduate with honors?"

She giggles. "Shut up."

"I'm sure she would have been shouting your name in an obnoxious manner during graduation just to embarrass you."

Alice smiles. "When she wasn't being, you know, sick, she _was_ pretty cool."

He smiles at his sister's description of their mother.

"You know, Mom caught Tommy sneaking into your room when you were kids."

"What? How? And why didn't she tell me anything? She was a girl…in my room!"

Alice laughs and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, she was not the type of girl Mom and Dad needed to worry about. I don't know. We were outside, enjoying the cool breeze and I was enjoying that Mom was being normal for the first time in ages. Anyway, we saw Tommy sneaking into the backyard. She asked me if Tommy was your friend and I said yes."

Edward is about to correct her as he has done so many times before with everyone that has ever uttered the word 'friend' when referring to Tommy, but is overtaken by a smile He stops and decides just to nod.

He stares at the name of his mother on the tombstone and hopes that wherever she is, she'll find a way to help him find Tommy.

She's probably seen from _up there_ how important it is to him. How important _she_ became without him realizing it himself.

She probably witnessed it happening.

She probably knows the truth that is now found only in his heart.

She probably can see her from up there.

She can see Tommy. Wherever she is.

~Tommy~

"_You see that? That's how you throw, Cullen," Tommy said as the rock she threw disappeared into the darkness of the night._

"_I call bullshit," he said, making her laugh. "It's dark. We can't accurately measure how far it went."_

_They were sitting on top of his roof. Nobody was going to tell them anything. Carlisle was at work, and the Cullens didn't have many neighbors._

"_Oh, shut the hell up. You know I can throw."_

"_Yeah, like a girl," he teased, earning a playful punch to his shoulder._

"_Do you ever just dream about getting out of this town and getting far away from its people?" she asked._

"_All the damn time."_

_She sighed and stared into the night sky. The moon was brighter than usual, lighting her pale skin. She only wore a pair of shorts and a plain white tank top. _

_Edward's eyes wandered over her visible collarbone and then to her breasts … how quickly she had become a woman. They were only seventeen, and even though she still dressed like a boy, she couldn't hide her feminine features as easily as when they were children._

_He chuckled to himself, remembering how he had thought her a boy when he first met her._

_He looked over at her again and removed a strand of her hair from her face and placed it behind her ear._

"_Very romantic of you, Cullen," she teased him._

"_I just didn't want you to eat your own hair," he joked, making her chuckle. _

_Another quite moment passed, before she spoke again without looking at him._

"_One day I'm going to live in a big city. I'm really gonna live and do crazy things. Live life, ya' know?"_

"_Like Seattle?"_

"_No, further away. As far as I can get. Maybe New York, Chicago or even a city in Texas. I don't know, just far away. Where nobody knows who I am, and I can start over."_

"_What's wrong with you now?"_

_She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. She ran her fingertips over the veins on his arm._

"_Cullen, you know what's wrong with me. That's the problem."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_To you I'm always gonna be this crazy chick. I can't have that."_

_He didn't understand what she meant, and he didn't question her. When Tommy got in these moods or said things like this, no matter how much he questioned, she never fully answered him._

_He sighed and looked up at the sky with her, hoping one day she could find the peace she desired so much._

_He leaned his head against hers, surprised when she didn't pull away. She was warm against his body in the chilly night air, and somehow it felt right._

_For a quick moment, he feared he would eventually lose this. They would grow up, become adults and perhaps she would get her wish granted, and he would never see her again. He would have to stay in a world and in a town that reminded him of the loss of his mother, of how broken his father was, and of how lonely he felt when Tommy wasn't around. _

_He thought himself crazy._

_Even if that did happen, it was not like they were friends or anything._

_It wasn't like he would hurt over it or miss her._

_He wouldn't. _

_Not even a little bit._

_Or at least that's what he told himself that night as she laced her fingers with his. _

* * *

**So they're getting older and things are changing. **

**Some of you think Edward needs to wake up and act like a "man" with Tommy, but he's just a scared kid. He always knew what was going to happen and he's trying to keep himself "safe."**

**I hope you'll see it in the upcoming chapters.**

**We have a few more kinda angsty chapters and then we'll spend a few chapters in teenage fluff. **

**Trust me. **

**Leave me some love in the review box ;) **


	8. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the reviews! My eternal love for you hehe I try responding to all of them, but sometimes I run out of time, but please know that I read and appreciate all of them.**

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

* * *

Chapter 7

Tommy didn't know if she was ready to 'become' a girl.

She had felt humiliated weeks ago when asking Renee why her breasts felt strange and her mother proceeded to laugh.

Renee said, "You're finally becoming a woman. Maybe you'll stop wearing those boyish clothes and start sticking _them_ out, people won't recognize you." She continued to laugh much to Tommy's confusion and disappointment.

But it got worse.

She was playing basketball with the boys one day, as she usually did, but the game was cut short when she had to leave it in the middle. She held onto her chest in embarrassment, feeling everyone was staring at her boobs. In reality, she knew nobody was looking, but she was too ashamed when she would feel them move.

She ran to the restroom and cried, not understanding the changes going on with her. She wasn't a girly girl. She loved to run around and play sports like the boys.

_Why was this happening to her? Why did it have to happen to her?_

Tommy didn't feel prepared.

"Do you wanna go play soccer?" She asked Leah as they sat under a tree during gym class one day.

"I thought you didn't want to play sports ever again?" Leah said as she wrote in her 'diary.'

Tommy didn't understand why girls felt the need to write everything that happened to them or everything they thought about, in a stupid, pink or purple journal. It wasn't as though they were interesting_ all_ the time.

"Well, soccer is fun. Let's go play."

Leah laughed and shook her head.

"Um, no thank you. You know how I feel about running around. Boys are rude and rough."

"Well, you just gotta be rude and rough back," Tommy answered her.

"Why don't we go try and hang out with Tanya and Kate? They seem like fun. They're so pretty."

Leah had asked the same question twice already and it started to worry Tommy.

"I don't think they're good influences, Leah."

The other girl laughed at Tommy. "Are you just saying that because they're cool? Don't be so anti-social. I just think we should have more friends, and they seem fun. Lighten up, Bella."

Tommy snapped her head towards Leah and raised an eyebrow up in confusion. "Bella? Why the hell are you calling me that?"

"I heard Mr. Molina call you Isabella the other day, so I figured it was your real name. Bella is short for Isabella."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Well, I don't like it. Don't call me that ever again."

"Okay, okay. Geez," Leah raised her hands up in surrender and returned to her pink journal.

Without informing her friend, Tommy stood up and ran over to where the boys were playing soccer. She joined in without asking, picking a team on her own. The boys didn't protest, being used to Tommy being Tommy. She pushed and shoved right along with them.

She kicked the ball, slid, not caring if she scrapped her skin or that the boys were being too rough today. She received an elbow to the belly and a kick to her calf. She limped, but ignored the pain. The game was getting good.

She started to feel an uneasy feeling in her belly and a sharp pain in her abdomen. She didn't think much of it since she had been feeling it all morning and continued playing.

After a few plays by both teams, Garrett stole the ball from her feet, but she felt too sick and fatigued to care.

"What's wrong, Tommy? You give up? I always knew you were a girl," he teased.

She covered her belly with her hands and ran to the restroom, ignoring the comments the boys made and the questioning look from her friend Leah.

She vomited her lunch into the toilet and cried as the pain in her abdomen worsened. She felt a wet sensation in her underwear and quickly pulled them down along with her jeans.

Blood.

She gasped not knowing what was going on.

_Did she get hurt?_

_Had her mother always been right when warning her not to play with boys?_

_Had she played too rough?_

She shoved some toilet paper in her panties so they wouldn't stain any further and quickly made her way over to the school nurse.

"Isabella, dear, did you get in a fight again?" The nurse asked. She knew Tommy too well.

"I don't know," the young girl whispered full of shame. She was so embarrassed. She could feel it warming her cheeks and shaking in her bones.

She went on to tell the nurse about playing soccer, playing too rough, how it was necessary to win sometimes, and then how sick she felt and lastly, about the blood.

The nurse gave her a look full of pity, something she wasn't used to. She pulled out a pamphlet and a weird square package.

"You just got your period for the first time, sweetie. It's normal. Look," the nurse said and explained everything there was to know about this so-called 'period' Tommy now had.

Apparently every girl got it.

Once a month…forever.

Tommy cried into her shaky hands. She was devastated. People only bleed when they're hurt. People only bleed when they're weak. _That's why Mom said._ Nothing made sense.

She didn't want to be hurt or weak. She didn't want to bleed.

"Honey, all you need is some medication for the cramps and a good warm shower. It'll only be for a few days every month. You'll get used to it. Maybe you can talk to your mom about it. I'm sure she'll know how to make you feel better."

She pulled away when the nurse caressed her cheek. She wasn't used to adults being so nice and understanding with her.

It was strange.

The nurse gave up with deep sigh and patted her on the shoulder instead.

Boobs and blood?

It was going to be a strange life.

She could already hear her mother…

"_We have a cursed life, Isabella. We're women. We're born with doom."_

~Tommy~

"We're going where?" Tommy asked Leah in shock.

"They're having a party this Saturday and they invited me!" Leah screeched.

"But I told you that Tanya, Kate and those girls are not good. You know they drink and do stupid stuff?"

Leah nervously laughed and pretended to fix stray hairs on her head.

Tommy sighed and stared at her friend through the mirror of the girls' restroom.

"I know you wanna have friends, Leah. More than one, but it doesn't have to be those girls."

Leah wiped at the makeup on her eyelids and turned to look at her friend. "But I like them. Please come with me. I don't wanna go by myself."

Tommy knew she was going to go for her friend. She nodded and tried not to cringe when she squealed in excitement.

~Tommy~

Three minutes before class, Tommy dug into her backpack trying to find the homework she had just done on the ride to school. She found it scrunched up into a ball with one minute left.

She rushed to class and tried her best to get rid of the wrinkles, but Mr. Molina still shook his head when he picked it up.

Edward sat two desks ahead of her in the row next to hers.

He looked tired, but okay. She smiled at his concentrated face as he finished his quiz. She didn't know why he worried so much about it. He was a smart guy. They hadn't hung out in a while. He had begun dating Ashley, some new girl.

According to Leah who heard it from Angela who might have heard it from Jessica, they were pretty serious.

Tommy rolled her eyes.

They were only fifteen. Someone was gonna get a heartache in a few months. He would go back to secretly hanging out with her, but she promised herself that she would give him hell for ignoring her.

He would take it, too.

For now, she would continue fighting the urge to go to his window on nights when she couldn't bear being home. She would fight the urge to talk to him when he looked so sad. Nobody else noticed it, not even his friends. Edward wasn't that boy she met years ago, naïve and hopeful. He had been handed reality too quick and too soon. She could see him at times, playing it off, as if _it_ didn't bother him anymore.

But she knew him.

She knew more than he would ever know.

When class ended, Tommy placed her baseball cap over her head, pulled her baggy pants up and started to walk out the door when someone grabbed her arm and stopped her.

She looked up and moved back in surprise.

Rosalie Hale hovered over herwith a knowing and almost evil stare. Tommy hated pretty girls like her. They always thought they were better than everyone else. They hated anyone that wasn't like them.

"You like my cousin!"

"What?" Tommy asked confused.

"I see how you stare at him. But don't fool yourself, Ms. White Trash. My cousin is too good. He doesn't need your trashy drama to ruin him. Not like you would have a chance with him anyway," she spat and walked away.

Tommy felt the anger from the bottom of her stomach, but held back. She leaned into a wall and took a deep breath to calm down.

She didn't need his stupid friendship anyway.

She was fine on her own.

~Tommy~

"Hey!"

She ignored him and continued walking through the woods, trying her best not to fall. That was her luck and she knew it. Her foot would get caught in thin air and she would fall on her face.

"Hey! I know you can hear me, Tommy."

"Go fuck yourself, Cullen!"

He gasped dramatically. "Swan, what's wrong? You've been acting strange since biology ended."

"I said go fu-"

"Yes, but I don't want to right now. Come on, Swan."

She huffed and puffed, tired of walking for so long.

_Damn her pride. _

_Damn it to hell!_

She kept walking and after a few minutes of not hearing him anymore, she turned to find that he was gone.

"Well, then go fuck yourself again, Cullen!" She shouted and stomped her way home.

~Tommy~

"Has he ever touched you?"

"No, Mom."

"Men are evil! All of them."

"I know, Mom. You've told me this before."

"It doesn't seem like you understand, stupid girl!" Renee shouted making Tommy's heart race. She stood up from the kitchen table and dumped her dirty dinner dishes into the sink.

"You can't trust anybody! Not even him! It doesn't matter that he's your father."

"Mom, I already told you! Nobody has ever done anything to me! Please leave me alone!"

She rushed to her room with her mother behind her.

She could hear Renee sobbing and cursing, making her anxious, nervous and scared.

She slammed her door, but she could still hear her mother's shouting. "My cousin raped me! He didn't give a shit about what I felt. He was an animal! An animal that deserves hell!"

Tommy cried into her pillow.

"Please! Stop! I know this story! I don't wanna hear it anymore. I swear Dad hasn't done anything. Please leave me alone, Mom!"

She didn't understand why her mother obsessed over this subject. But it made her sick each time she would bring it up. She could just imagine her mother hurting. The images that her mother clearly painted with her bitter words would play in her mind and it would scare her.

Her mother continued talking. Repeating the same story she had told so many times before. Tommy could hear her mother's sobs and each one drove a sharp knife into her heart and soul. She felt useless, unable to help Renee. She wished her mother hadn't lived through that horrible childhood. She wished her mother would forget and be happy.

There was nothing she wished for the most.

She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her head in her pillows and cried as she failed to drown out her mother's words full of darkness and anger.

It was the same anger and darkness that filled and tainted her own mind. Each curse word and sob from her mother's mouth made her sick.

So sick and tired.

It dried her soul and aged her mind.

So sick.

"_Men are scum. _

_We're just weak women. _

_God cursed us in this weak body!"_

Each bang on her door, drove Tommy deeper into her black thoughts and memories. The smell of booze and cigarettes and cheap cologne re-emerged around her, making her gasp for air and her heart pound against her chest.

She would never tell her mother.

~Tommy~

**Present Time**

Drenched in sweat, he stares at the photo. His breathing is normal once again, but the angry red numbers of his clock remind him that it's still too early to be awake.

He swears he could smell the beach. The water and sand…it was all real. He didn't dream of the fire tonight. He hadn't dreamt of that in a long time. But as usual she was there.

Tommy was in his dreams.

Sometimes he doesn't remember what was his dreams were about. Those are the good nights. His shrink says his mind is resting and that he should allow it to.

But how can he?

It's all his fault.

His mother…and Tommy…

All his fault…

He saw himself as a young kid again. He was in the woods and there she was.

She threw a football at him and when he threw it back at her, she took off running. He chased her until she disappeared. He reached the edge of the cliff and saw her in the water.

"Tommy!" He remembers himself shouting in his dream.

Without thinking, he jumped into the water, but started to drown as he looked into his mother's eyes as she drowned with him. It was then that he woke up.

The nightmares are always awful. They don't happen as much as they used to. He's gone months without them, but he knew being here, in his childhood home would bring them back with a vengeance.

He was right.

The worst part is that the nightmares only serve as a reminder. They're a reminder of the moment that changed his life forever, and of all the things he did wrong with Tommy.

He hates the feeling. He hates knowing she suffered and he did nothing for her.

He wipes his face with his hands, trying to get rid of the sleep in his eyes. His mother is staring at him from the photo he has on his dresser.

"Did you do it, Mom? Did you do it? That day…that day you died. Did you do it?" He asks her image, but she doesn't answer. She is smiling at the camera as if everything was okay in that moment when the flash lighted her face.

But now he knows that wasn't the case.

~Tommy~

Edward passes by the Swans' home. It looks the same, except with more junk in the backyard.

He remembers Tommy saying how her mother had nothing growing up. How her mother was treated horribly by her siblings and parents.

He remembers feeling pity for Renee Swan, but anger at the same time. He wanted nothing more to tell her that it wasn't her daughter's fault, but Tommy would have never allowed it.

He continues driving, turning up the music in hopes of forgetting those awful memories. He tries thinking of other things. His job in Chicago. His friends there. His financial plans…

But he knows it's impossible to rid of the memories.

He arrives at the Forks Police station, and as usual-out of nerves—shoves his hands into his pockets and walks up to the front desk.

"Hey, Edward, how are ya?" The front desk lady asks. He isn't surprised that she knows his name. For the longest time after his mother's death, it seemed all the police officers knew him.

He was the boy whose mother died in La Push.

He hates it.

He hates their eyes full of pity.

"I, uh, I'm wondering if I could get information on a missing person."

She raises her eyebrow in confusion, but calls over Officer Chapman. He's bald and aging, but Edward recognizes him. He's the same man that showed up at his door five years ago to ask him if he had seen Tommy. He's the one that told him she had been missing.

"Hey, Edward. How can I help you?"

Edward gulps and clears his throat. "I just want to know…" he takes a deep breath. "And I know you guys can't share a lot of information, but you have to understand that I need to know or I'm going to go mad."

"Calm down, son. What is it?"

"Tommy…Isabella Swan. Have you guys found her? Or have you heard anything about her? I've Googled her. I've Googled her real name, nickname…nothing. She doesn't work anywhere. She doesn't have any social networks. She would show up somehow. But all I see are some stupid, five year old missing person articles. You have to know something. Anything!"

Chapman sighs, before giving him a disappointed shake of his head. "You know we gave up the search months after she disappeared. She was eighteen, and some of her stuff was missing from her room. Son, it's obvious she ran away. It's obvious she doesn't want any of us to find her."

Edward swallows the lump in his throat and feels his eyes fill with tears. He takes a deep breath and uses the desk to hold himself together.

He thanks him for the information, and leaves.

He barely makes outside and down the station stairs when he falls against the building's wall. He closes his eyes and thinks of his favorite memory of Tommy.

"_You awake?" She asked in a rough whisper._

_He rolled his eyes and turned towards her. "What do you think? You have that light on!" He said, making her smile. _

_She crawled out of the makeshift tent on the floor of his bedroom and turned off the lights. _

_She wanted a fort. She had always wanted to try making one._

_He sighed and agreed to put all his bed sheets over chairs,__and to put his favorite pillows on the floor just for her. All of this was after he called her a child and she called him an asshole._

_She crawled back in, this time turning on a flashlight on his face._

_He grimaced at the sudden light, making her giggle._

"_You think you're funny, Swan?" he asked._

_She slapped his naked chest and rested her head on the pillow next to him. She hung the flashlight over them, letting it light the small space._

_It was a small light, but he could still see it shine in her brown eyes as she studied his face. He was still able to see the small freckles on her nose and cheeks. _

_He looked at her lips and then back at her eyes and at her lips again._

"_Sometimes I get scared, Edward," she whispered, bringing him out his daze._

"_Scared? Of what?"_

"_That I won't have you to stop me from going crazy one day."_

"_You don't need me, Swan. It's you. You can be great on your own."_

"_When I was a little kid, I didn't have any friends. I don't mean to sound whiney and annoying, I was just a very lonely kid. I would talk to myself and pretend I was important. I was so dumb."_

_He chuckled and shook his head. "All children have imaginary friends, Tommy. It was normal that you did that."_

"_You don't understand. That same loneliness I felt as a kid…I still feel it," she said. She snuggled her head into his chest, wrapping an arm around him. He pulled her closer and let his chin rest against her forehead. _

"_After my mother passed away, I felt that same loneliness, Tommy. I spent so much time trying to find something to feel whole again. But it was never the same. Sometimes we get dealt a life we didn't ask for,__or a pain we don't deserve, but we have to learn to live again. Sometimes, you just have to let go."_

"_It's not easy."_

"_I know. But if you never try, you'll never know."_

"_Are you okay now?" She whispered. "Have you tried it? Did you let go already?"_

_He sighed and held her closer as if it would help him not break apart. "No. I have not. I don't think it will happen anytime soon. But with time, I think we'll be okay. You're stronger than I am, Swan."_

"_Can you repeat that?"_

_He chuckled and pinched her sides. She jumped with a squeal, but he held onto her tighter, so he could still feel her warm skin on his._

"_You're going to live. And I will too. Just promise me you'll be around to witness it," he said._

_She hummed and he assumed she had fallen asleep._

_He believed it. _

_He believed in what he said and he hoped she did too._

_His eyes started to close on their own, but before he let unconsciousness take over, she squeezed his hand._

"_I'll be there. I promise," she whispered. _

* * *

**So what are your thoughts? On Renee? On Tommy and Edward? I would love to read what's on your mind. **

**Before you ask, no, Charlie didn't do anything to Tommy besides neglect her. I will leave that mystery at that. **

**See ya' next time! :)**


	9. Chapter 8

**A little early, but here it is :)**

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

* * *

Chapter 8

"I heard it hurts the first time."

"I heard some guys like to stick it in the backside."

"Tiffany says it hurts the most there!"

The music was loud. The people crowding the house were louder.

Tommy nervously chewed on her lip as she sat on the couch with the stoners. At least they didn't talk. Unfortunately, she could still hear the girls having their stupid conversations on the couch next to them.

She hoped Leah would get her fill of fun so they could leave.

She had arrived with Leah who looked pretty with her short skirt and blouse. Once they had spotted them, Leah had run over to Kate and Tanya with Tommy in hand.

The girls ignored Tommy. She didn't mind. She didn't like being noticed by people she didn't like. The girls gossiped, and she could tell they were trying to include Leah. She hoped they didn't take her away. Tommy had always felt like she didn't need friends. She didn't like anybody. But Leah had grown on her. It would have been unfair if they took her away from her.

She had spent several minutes with the giggling stoners; away from everyone else, hoping time would speed up.

She stood up, pulled her up her pants as usual and fixed her baseball cap. She walked over to where Leah was still intently listening to what Kate had to gossip about.

She tapped on her friend's shoulder. "Hey, Leah, do you think we could leave now?"

"No! Come on, Tommy! The party is just getting fun!"

Tommy nodded. She wondered how far her house was from this place and if it wasn't too cold for a walk.

She studied Kate's make-up and hair as the girls continued talking. She was very pretty. Her blue eyes stood out against the dress she wore, and her skin was perfectly tanned. Tanya looked the same and Tommy wondered who taught them how to dress and be pretty.

She remembered trying a few times to 'do something' with her hair and with the make-up her mother still had. But she hated how she looked in the mirror. It wasn't her. She wasn't pretty enough.

She was too rough. She was not feminine or girly. She was too serious.

She wasn't flirty.

She wasn't like Edward's new girlfriend. He stood at the corner of the living room with her. She laughed and talked to him, while he only nodded and stared at his cup. Tommy had to look away. She couldn't look at the girl anymore. She was the kind of girl boys liked.

Not like Tommy.

Edward hadn't talked to her since that day in the woods when Tommy cursed at him. She tried not to care, but it was pissing her off each day that passed in which he didn't even try to mend whatever it was they had.

She was tired of fighting with herself. Each time she saw how devastated he looked, she wanted to go to him and cheer him up, but she would stop herself. She knew it was pride and that it was stupid.

"Hey, Tommy, this is Miranda," Leah said, bringing her out of her daze.

Miranda just nodded towards Tommy and continued talking about herself. She was Kate's sister and was a few years older than the others were.

She talked about sex and drugs.

It seemed her world only revolved around these things. Tommy couldn't comprehend why girls obsessed over stuff like that. After all the stories her mother had told her, she could never imagine herself living like that.

Remembering her mother made Tommy feel uneasy.

She looked over at where she had last seen Edward, but he was no longer there. This made her more nervous, and she wanted nothing more than to go home. When he was around, she felt that at least someone she knew was there.

"Leah, can we leave?" Tommy asked again.

Leah sighed and pulled her friend to the side. "Tommy, I really like Kate. I think she likes me too. I want to be her friend, and you're ruining this!"

"I just don't think we should be here. Your parents never let you hang out with me, what makes you think that hanging out with these girls will be any better?"

"My parents will just need to accept it," Leah muttered.

Tommy sighed and decided that twenty minutes of this party was all she was giving her friend.

She stood around, getting away from the crowd. A few guys made jokes about her being dressed like a boy, but she tried to ignore them.

"Hey," one shouted and roughly grabbed her arm, pulling her to his chest. "You wanna know how a real man feels?" His beer breath hit her face, making her cringe. He roughly palmed her left breast. "See, you are a girl after all."

Tommy felt her heart hammer in her chest and the air difficult to inhale. She tried pulling away, but this guy was too strong. She didn't remember when the boys in school got so big. She used to push them around, but now she couldn't even get out of this one's hold.

"_You're a pretty duck, Isabella. Pretty little duck."_

She felt her eyes sting with tears as she continued to struggle with the drunken boy. The gruff voice she hated so much running through her brain like a virus. The same voice that would make her run away each time it was near or that wouldn't let her sleep. The same voice that had made her feel disgusting for so long.

"Let her go, you son of a bitch!"

Suddenly her arm was free, throbbing from where the drunken boy had held on too tightly. She looked up through her glossy eyes and suddenly felt the same old feeling of warmth and safety that came with seeing Edward.

He was taller than the drunken boy who cowardly started walking backwards and away from Edward. "If you ever, if any of you ever fuck with her again, I will personally end you!"

She had never seen this side of him. He was usually calm and quiet. And ever since his mother had passed away, he always seemed to be silently brooding, keeping his hurt to himself. But something inside Edward had snapped. The angry vein on his forehead, along with his tense jaw made everyone around them step back.

"Edward," she whispered with a broken breath. "Come on, it's okay." She gently took his hand and pulled him to her.

She pulled him to the back of the house where they could have a moment alone. She stood in the corner as he paced around, trying to calm himself.

"Why didn't you fight him, Tommy?" He asked. He was still furious, shoving his hands into his overgrown hair. "You're always fighting everyone, even me. Why didn't you punch that son of a bitch in his stupid face?"

"I just...I just froze...Don't be mad at me, Cullen."

"I'm not mad at you," he sighed, placing both of his hands on her upper arms. "I just don't want anybody hurting you." He stayed quiet for a minute or two before looking into her eyes again. "What are you doing here anyway? These people are poisonous. You aren't like them." He softly ran his fingertips over her jaw and cheeks, making her shudder.

"I could ask you the same thing," she said. "But then again, you're here with your stupid girlfriend." She hated how she sounded so wounded and immature. So to distract him, she wiped away the worried lines from his forehead with her fingertips. She smiled, realizing how much taller he had become since she had to stand on her toes to reach his face. He looked older too. Handsome. No longer was he the young boy she had met years before. His eyebrows were thicker, adorning his beautiful, green eyes, and there was a tiny hint of stubble on his defined jaw and chin that felt funny as she ran her fingers over it.

She had never found anybody handsome or beautiful, but there he was, older and both of those things.

He visibly calmed down, leaning into her touch and gently running his fingers up and down her neck. She wondered if he knew he was doing it, but didn't bother pointing it out.

"Why don't we get out of here?" He asked. "Maybe we could, I don't know, go to my house."

She wanted to jump at the invitation, but a flash of her friend's face in her mind made her realize she something else to do. "Later, I have to make sure Leah gets home. She's a crazy teenager."

Edward chuckled. "I'm heading home already. Just knock on my window and I'll open it for you."

"You tell me this like I've never done it before. I'm a damn pro."

He smirked and playfully gave her a gentle shove. "I'll be waiting, Swan. Maybe we can watch _Rambo II_."

"Yeah, maybe."

She watched him walk out of the loud house and stared at his back until he finally disappeared.

She caught Leah laughing and trying her best to fit in with the other girls. Tommy understood her friend. Life was easier when others agreed with you and your fake persona. Who didn't want an easy life?

She certainly didn't have one. But somehow, she couldn't find it in herself to fight for anybody's approval but her own.

She had other things to worry about. Things that weighed heavily on her shoulders. Sure, she was just a kid, and maybe her problems were not a big deal to others, especially other adults, but they were _her _problems. She had accepted that she would never be the girl with a lot of friends or the pretty girl everyone fancied over.

All she wanted was to live one day in which she felt normal and relaxed. She was tired of feeling like someone in the wrong time and world. It was exhausting and at times, dull.

Everyone at the party danced, chatted and lived the lives they thought they wanted, until sirens sounded outside the house.

Everyone screamed and ran out doors and windows.

Tommy rushed to find Leah, shoving her way through the crazed crowd. She spotted her by the door, and when she made her way to her, a very frightened Leah took hold of her hands.

"Tommy! I don't wanna get in trouble!"

"Then let's go!" She shouted and took her friend by the arm and pulled her out of the house.

The girls ran with all their might. Leah was much slower and clumsier while Tommy, spending her time playing sports, was much more athletic and agile.

"Come on, Leah, run! The cops are right behind us!"

Leah fell on the ground in a sobbing mess. "I can't! My leg hurts, and I can't breathe!"

"Well, that's too damn bad! You have to get up and run!"

"I said I can't!"

Tommy looked around and saw flashlights that she guessed belonged to the police nearing them.

"Leah, please try!"

"Tommy, I don't wanna get in trouble! My parents won't let me go to church camp if they know I was here. You know how my dad is! He'll kill me! He'll kill me, Tommy!" She cried and choked on her saliva. She showed her friend what she carried in her hand.

"What the hell are you doing with those pills?" Tommy yelled.

"Miranda gave them to me. I wasn't going to take them. I just took them because I didn't want look lame."

"Leah, you're my friend, but you're damn idiot! A damn idiot!" Tommy shouted and snatched the pills from her hands threw them into the ground.

But it was too late.

"Don't move!" A man yelled.

"Whose pills are those?"

"We're calling your parents."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves, ladies."

"Whose pills?"

Tommy sighed. She looked over at Leah who sobbed and sobbed herself dizzy.

"They're mine."

~Tommy~

**Present Time**

"I still think you should move to Chicago, old man. Back home," Edward says as he packs what is left of his belongings into boxes.

Carlisle chuckles and shakes his head. "Chicago is no longer my home. But I will make sure to visit. Don't be embarrassed of your old man when I come over."

Edward laughs and gives his father a playful shove.

"I'm sure Esme would appreciate the change of scenery for a few days."

"I'm sure she will."

Edward wraps his old football trophies with newspaper. "Remember when I played football, sophomore year?"

"Of course I do. You scared the shit out of me every time you ran with the damn ball into those defensive players."

Edward smiles at his father rare curse words. "Are you saying I was awful?"

"I'm saying you were a daredevil and I didn't appreciate it. But you were an awesome quarterback."

"Yeah, for that season. You know who taught me to throw a perfect spiral?"

"Who?"

"Tommy."

Carlisle smiles warmly at the mention of her name. "I always liked her. There was just something about her."

Edward nods and continues packing his things.

They rarely have these moments. Both don't smile, laugh or say much. They're too much alike, and it has always been a strain on their relationship, but the younger man has to admit this isn't too bad. He's lived a life of anger, and some of that anger has been towards his father. It has been quite exhausting.

They don't say anything else as they continue to pack his belongings.

Carlisle helps him, questioning some of the things he is taking back to Chicago. It seems Edward has become somewhat of a nostalgic man. He waits for his father to turn away and places Tommy's blue cap into one of his bags.

Maybe one day he'll be able to return it to her.

The house phone rings and Carlisle runs to answer it. A few minutes later, he returns with an annoyed expression.

"Who was it?" Edward asks.

"I don't know. Sometimes I get these calls where I answer, and the other person on the other line says nothing. I know this person is there because I can hear him or her breathing. I say 'hello' a few times, and then they hang up."

"That's so strange."

"It is, and it's quite annoying. It doesn't happen all the time, but it has happened quite a bit, to where I'm starting to get suspicious."

Edward chuckles. "I'm sure it's just a mistake. Don't you have caller ID?"

"It stopped working on my phone, and I haven't had time to replace it."

~Tommy~

Edward has dinner at Cora's Diner with Carlisle and Alice, just like old times. Leah serves them making casual conversation and Edward can't help but think of Tommy every time she comes to their table.

He remembers clearly, who Leah was now. She is the reason he didn't see Tommy for almost a year after that party at Kate's house. He remembers being surprised how quickly Tommy forgave her.

But that was Tommy. It now makes sense.

"So, did we decide that we're spending Thanksgiving in Forks and Christmas in Chicago?" Alice asks.

"We are. I think we could enjoy some time visiting your brother," Carlisle says.

They begin discussing plans and remembering past holidays.

Edward stops listening and stares at the booth in front of them and smiles to himself.

"_Is this like a date, Cullen? Because if it is, you're a classy man bringing me to a diner."_

_He laughed. "I just asked you if you wanted ice cream not to marry me. And for your information, I take my dates to Jerry's Burger."_

"_Oh, a sports bar and grill! So fancy. I bet you get laid every, single time," she teased._

_He threw his napkin at her. "You would know."_

_She flipped him the bird and dug her spoon into her mountain of chocolate ice cream._

"_You have some on your face," he said and smeared some of his ice cream on her cheek._

_She glared at him, making him laugh. _

"_Remember that one time we came here a little buzzed? So much fuckin' fun!" She laughed._

_He rolled his eyes playfully at the memory. He had ordered too much food and was not in this mental capacity to realize it, nor was she. He didn't have enough money to pay, and she didn't either. Cora made them wash the dishes in the back. It was rather difficult to hide the fact that they weren't ...'themselves.'_

_It probably took them twice as long as it should have. They were busy laughing at every, stupid thing and having a competitive bubble competition with the dish soap._

"_Remember when you fell on your ass?" It was his turn to laugh, but Tommy was never a sore loser and thankfully had a sense of humor and laughed it off. She got shushed by Cora._

"_Are you guys alright? Did you remember to bring money this time? Also, I better not find out you guys had something 'funny' before coming here. I'll kick both of you out on the curb!" She shouted at them, making them laugh even louder._

_His cheeks and stomach ached from the laughing. It hadn't been this way in a while. He had spent so much time being angry, and he thanked Tommy for the escape she provided from his bitter mind._

"_Swan, we can't wait too long to hang out again."_

"_Agreed," she said and threw a cherry from her ice cream at him. He jumped to catch it with his mouth, making her laugh again and again when it missed and hit him in the right eye._

"Edward?" Alice calls his name.

He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts and come back to reality. He sees his father is missing, and Alice points her head towards the restroom.

"You okay?" She asks worriedly.

He nods, trying his best to look normal and not as if he just transported back into time. "I was just remembering some things…"

"Were they nice memories?"

He smiles and plays with the straw in his drink.

"Very much. Do you have memories you would like to keep forever or even relive just one more time at least?"

"Of course. But I think the memories you have will always mean more than mine."

He looks at her with confusion.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm just saying. One day, when you see her again, you should tell her of all these special memories you keep of her. I think it'll tell her everything that needs to be said."

He chuckles. "Why does it seem everybody knows about it? I guess we were dumb kids. We didn't think anybody noticed."

"You kept it pretty well hidden. I don't think we ever noticed until she disappeared. You changed."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you kinda went somewhere else in your mind. It was quite obvious she meant a lot to you and you didn't realize it. You know…the whole 'you don't know what you have till it's gone' kinda thing."

He sighs and looks down at his hands.

"It's torture, you know? It's like…nothing is normal or in place. Not that my life as a kid was easy or that losing Mom wasn't painful, but sometimes there's one person that keeps you together. As if that person is the one piece your body and soul need to stay whole. And then that person is gone, and you don't know how to function, turning into little insignificant pieces that don't fit. I torture myself with thoughts of her not feeling the same. Did I mean the same for her? Am I the only one breaking apart?"

She takes his hand, trying to comfort her brother. "I'm sure you meant the world to her. Somewhere out there, Tommy is thinking of you too. She always did."

"I can only hope. Maybe, when I leave this town and the memories, I'll be able to feel better. But then again, when I think of the moments in the past- of the times I spent with her, and the moments in which we leaned on each other to deal with the fact that we were growing up, I don't think feeling 'better' is worth forgetting. Nothing. Not even a life full of peace and comfort is worth forgetting those small pieces of time we spent together."

"_Do you ever think of what the day you die will be like? Do you ever wonder if people will be sad?" She asked._

_Tommy always asked strange questions. But he answered them anyway. "No, but now that I think about it, I think my dad and sister would be pretty upset about it. One can hope, right?" He said and chuckled. _

_She smiled. The light of the diner illuminating her pale skin perfectly. "When I think of what that day will be, I don't think of how people will react. I think about my memories. I wonder if God, or whatever happens in the afterlife will let me keep some of them. You know? If he doesn't, then what has been the point of all of this?" She asked, looking around the small diner. He was sure she didn't mean Cora's burgers or the runny ice cream. _

_He sighed and ran his finger over the vein on her forearm. "I don't know, Swan. But I sure would ask to keep several of my memories."_

"_Is that so? Which ones?"_

"_It's a secret. But maybe this exact memory in the making will be one of them." _

_She giggled and looked around the empty diner to insure that__nobody was looking. She then took his hand in hers. _

"_One can hope, right?" She asked. _

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading!**

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	10. Chapter 9

**Thank you SunflowerFran3759 for your awesome beta skills. If there are any mistakes, they're mine for adding things after her review.**

* * *

Chapter 9

Life was a routine.

The same things over and over each day. The same demons haunting him and the same regrets playing again and again in his mind.

"I told you! I don't want to go visit Aunt Esme!" Edward shouted. His loud voice practically vibrating the pictures on the walls of his mother and of he in his younger years.

"She hasn't seen you in a long time. As your mother's sister, I think she would appreciate you visiting. She lost her too."

Edward muttered a few curse words to himself. "I know that, Dad, but I just don't feel like it."

Carlisle dug his hands into his blonde hair and pulled. "You've been acting strange, Edward. Your entire junior year has been troubled. First, you get suspended from school for fighting with Tyler during football practice like a goddamn kid, and then you go and leave the house for an entire weekend without telling me."

Edward sighed and began to pace around the living room. He tried to ignore that his younger sister, Alice, who was staring from the corner of the room.

He knew he was acting like an asshole.

But he couldn't help it.

"I guess I'm just going through a phase, you know? I'm a teenager after all. You could ground me or some shit. I'm just some dumb kid and one day I'll grow out of it."

"Edward, I don't need the sarcasm. You can stay here, I'm not going to force you to care about your mother's family," Carlisle said and ordered his daughter to wait for him in the car.

After they left, Edward sat in his room all alone. He blasted his loud rock music and ignored text messages from school friends.

Friends.

He almost laughed like a maniac all to himself.

He dreaded school. He dreaded talking to those people. He knew he was acting like a typical kid his age, but he didn't like any of them. He couldn't stand being around kids his own age. If he was honest with himself, he couldn't stand being around anyone at all.

He was going to end up living alone in the woods one day. He was convinced that he was going to live in a tent and hunt his own food, and maybe grow a beard.

He sighed when the four walls of his room became unbearable.

He walked through the woods, wiping the sweat from his forehead. It was a rare, hot day in Forks, finally making summer feel the way it was supposed to feel. He had spent the last year making a mess of things and hardly recognized himself. He hadn't visited his favorite place in the woods in months. He didn't feel it appropriate without the person that made it such a freeing experience.

No.

She wasn't home.

She was somewhere, being punished for doing a really stupid thing. The night he heard she had been taken by the cops, he ran to her house, but nobody was home and the station refused to let him see her.

She had been gone one year. He received letters from her, reading each one more than once. He grinned when she told him that she didn't have much paper, but she chose to use it writing to him. He wrote back each time with the freedom that a pen and paper provided. There was no hesitation or worry that he would say the wrong thing.

He sat on the ground and read the latest letter.

_Edward,_

_As promised, I haven't gotten into a fight in weeks. The guards, especially the butchy one, keep smiling at me, telling me they always knew I was a good kid._

_I call bullshit and I feel weird and gross being complimented. This is your fault, Cullen. You made me promise to be good so I could come back home._

_You know they tell me I wouldn't have to be here if I hadn't punched and kicked that cop. I don't regret it. He was being a dick._

_I'm sorry I never made it to watch Rambo II. I can't wait to watch it with you. You better not tell me what __happens, or I'll have to kick your ass._

_Sorry to hear about you going to the shrink. They make me talk to one here. She says I have a lot of 'pent up stress and anger.' I don't know what she's talking about. _

_I'm fine._

_But who knows, maybe it'll help you. You've always been the smarter one. Don't be embarrassed about going to the shrink. Everyone goes through stuff. Some people are just cowards who hide it in the back of their minds until the day they explode or until they become cold and cynical. _

_Who wants to be that?_

_I'd rather be pained and feel human, than be some empty and a poor__ excuse of a person._

_One time when I was little, my mom beat the shit out of me. I don't know remember why. I must have made a mess somewhere. I sobbed my eyes out. I remember her hands didn't hurt that much and afterward, I was fine, just a little bruised, but I cried my eyes out. I think I cried because I couldn't believe she would do that. My father, looking disinterested and annoyed as usual, turned to me and said, 'you cry too much, Isabella. Don't cry. Stop crying. Toughen up.' and walked away. He pissed me off so much that I cried even more, but I could breathe so much better afterward. My point is, let it out. No matter what others think. Don't let it suffocate you._

_From one crazy to another,_

_Oh, and I miss you, too._

_Tommy_

He spat on the ground and continued walking until he found himself standing on La Push beach. His father told him that this was where they found his mother's body.

"It was never your fault," Carlisle had said.

Edward bitterly glared at the waves rushing over to the shore.

"You have to understand that it was an accident," Dr. Clarke said. He was an older man. The years of living the difficulties of life and years listening to others cry and vent about their own sorrows showed in each wrinkle on his face. "There was nothing you could have done. Sometimes things happen to us that are out of our control, but change our lives forever. You now have to adapt to a life without your mother, and that is a tough task to ask any child. But it's one you can accomplish along with your father and sister. One day it'll feel normal again. One day it won't hurt as much."

But that 'one day' didn't come soon enough. And when he was prescribed 'depression' medication, it led him to research, and for answers to questions he didn't know he had.

"Why is there a bottle of these damn pills in the house?" He asked his father that day. He could feel the anger and confusion as the bottle of old pills shook in his hand.

"They were your mothers. Where did you find them?"

"It doesn't matter! These are depression pills."

"Yes."

"Mom was depressed?"

Carlisle sighed and sadly looked at his son. "I thought you had figured that out already."

"I did, it's just …" Edward exhaled a broken breath. "I just don't understand why. Why was she sad? Didn't we make her happy?" Edward asked, feeling like a fool as tears pooled in his eyes. He could feel his hands shaking and the sharp pain in his chest.

He hated feeling so emotionally paralyzed.

"Edward, Son, calm down. Why don't you sit down before you have another episode? You and your sister were her reasons for living. There was just something in her mind that wouldn't let her snap out of her sadness. She didn't have the best life growing up and she started suffering from depression even before you were born. It just got worse, much worse throughout the years. You have nothing to do with that. I need you to know that, Son."

"Did she kill herself?" Edward cried.

Carlisle didn't answer, he reached for his son, but Edward pushed away sending a sharp pain to Carlisle's heart.

Edward knew his father was hurting. He could see it in his eyes, and his deep breaths proved he wasn't dealing with it as he once thought he was, but the anger was stronger than his consideration.

"Please, don't lie to me, Dad. Did Mom kill herself that day? Did she fucking give up on us?" Edward spat. "Did she leave us alone because life was too hard for her? How could she have been so selfish?"

He sobbed into his hands, falling onto his knees and letting the crippling pain take over. Carlisle fell next to him and took his son into his arms, letting him sob into his chest the way he used to do when he was a little boy.

"Son, please, it wasn't like that." Carlisle tried comforting him, but this wasn't the first time Edward had let his sorrow overcome himself. Each time, he tried his best to comfort him and let him know that it wasn't his fault. But Edward had always been a stubborn boy.

"Selfish, just like Tommy's mom.

She was selfish! I need her! Where is she? She left us all alone, Dad. Don't you hate her? Don't you hate her for leaving us?"

Carlisle cried into his son's hair as he rocked him back and forth, failing at saying the right things.

"I don't hate her, Son. I love her, even though I don't know what happened that day."

Edward pulled away from his arms and violently stood up. He looked down at his broken father and pointed his finger at him. "I need to know! I need it! You need to tell me!"

"It doesn't matter. It won't bring her back."

"I need to know!"

"I don't know if your mother killed herself!" Carlisle shouted. He took a deep breath to calm down. "Everything was much simpler when you were just a young boy. Now you're a young man that wants answers that I don't have. I'm sure it was an accident. She loved you both so much. She was trying to get better. That's why we would go to Port Angeles every week. We were seeing a therapist because she wanted to get better for you. She wanted to be a good mom for you. But I don't have the answer you want."

"I don't know. I don't want to fucking talk about it anymore!"

And that was the end of the conversation as Edward ran off to his room where he stayed for days, grieving for his mother all over again.

It had been weeks since then. He hardly spoke to his father and argued over stupid things with his sister. There were times he couldn't even look at her in the face. She angered him by just being around him.

He envied her.

She was doing so well. Nothing seemed to bother her while everything tormented him. She was brave enough to visit their mother's grave and talk about her in a pleasant way. But every time Alice would bring up their mother, he would get up and leave the room.

Edward sighed as he remembered how close he once was with his sister and missed her. He knew it had been his fault. He wondered how he could make it better. He wondered what the right words were that he could say to her.

But he didn't do or say the right thing. He was too obsessed with the idea that his mother had killed herself. He was angry that he would never know. He was angry at the possibility that she had done it on purpose, leaving him and his sister without a mother.

He hated the idea that she hadn't loved him the way she had sworn she did. The idea that she was selfish for leaving him clogged his mind and soul with bitterness.

He didn't dare ask Alice if she thought their mother had killed herself. He didn't want to hear her thoughts, and he was too hurt to even utter the words anyway. He hadn't even told Tommy of his suspicion.

Somehow, telling Tommy would make it very real.

"You want some pot?" Jacob asked as they sat outside his small house on the reservation.

Edward quickly took the small joint and shoved into his mouth.

The plant worked quickly, making him feel somber and making the colors of the forest sharper. The smells of nature, and the sounds of the rain hitting their surroundings, transported him to another place in his mind.

Some of the boys stopped by, accepting Jacob's offer of pot and booze. They were all distracted by Jacob's new piece of junk car and laughing at everything, letting the drugs take away reality for just a moment.

Edward stood up, stumbling a bit, following the moving colors of the trees and grass. He didn't hear anybody call his name. Nobody had noticed his absence and that was okay.

He walked for a few minutes, or hours—he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure what he was doing or where he was going. That seemed to be true of that moment and his life.

His brain had busied itself playing old images of his mother and his family while he ran his fingers over Tommy's letter repeatedly. They were old images of a time he had forgotten. They were images of a time when his mother hadn't let her sickness defeat her, and when he was just a kid back in Chicago. He remembered. He remembered his father telling him and Alice that they were moving to a small town in Washington because the distance from the city would help their mother feel better. He remembered his young self not understanding what this meant, but accepting it anyway.

There was a thumping pain in his chest, and he didn't know how to get rid of it. No one ever knew what to say. Nobody knew what to say to fix it.

Everyone except the short, tiny girl in baggy clothes and a blue baseball cap, walking at a high speed through the trees.

"Tommy?" Edward whispered to himself as he started running towards the girl.

She didn't seem to have heard him. She continued walking, but she had always been a bit clumsy, so it didn't take him long to catch up. He stopped in front of her and took a deep breath he didn't know he needed until his eyes took in her face.

It was her.

"Tommy? It is you!" He said, shocked by the sound of joy coming out of his body.

Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms for a tight hug. She gasped in shock, but a moment later, he felt her thin arms wrap around him as her small body mold into his. He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. She smelled like the woods and like her shampoo. He smiled into her hair, not caring what the hug meant; he tried holding her for as long as possible.

She gently pulled away, biting town on her bottom lip.

He let his eyes take her in her appearance. She had changed so much. She was much taller, but so was he. She had always been shorter than him, and that hadn't changed. She was still slim, but there was just something different about her.

She looked more … like a girl.

Her long, brown, wavy hair reached her waist, but was still a mess, and her head was still covered with that stupid, blue baseball cap.

Her face hardly held any proof that she had once been a child. Her cheekbones were more noticeable, and her face was longer. No bruises, and he was thankful for that.

She also didn't wear that smirk she usually would have on her face when she saw him.

She looked at him with no emotion on her face, and an answered in a dry tone. "Hey, Cullen," she simply said and started to walk away.

"Hey, hold on up. I haven't seen you in a year, and you just say 'hey' to me?" He asked, feeling a little pissed off.

She rolled her eyes and pulled away from his hold. "I'm sorry if I'm acting rude, but I just need to get out of here," she muttered. "Don't you have some girl to screw or football game to practice for?" She asked.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I just told you. I need to get out of here."

He pulled her to him by her arms. "So you're acting like an asshole towards me? How does that make sense, Swan? Let me look at you, shit. You didn't tell me you were coming back in your last letter, which I just got, by the way. I've missed your stupid face."

She sighed with a small hint of a smile and shook her head. "I'm sorry, dude. I really am. I'm just in a bad mood. It's my first day back home, and I couldn't stand being in that place for one, more minute. I don't even know where I'm going. I'm just walking straight, hoping to end up somewhere—anywhere but home."

"Well, you ended up here. With me," he said with a smirk. He could still feel the pot and booze in his system, but what he was feeling at that moment couldn't be a result of his drug-induced brain. "Do you wanna have a burger or something? We could go to Cora's Diner. I'll pay. Dad loves taking Alice and me there on Fridays since he doesn't know how to cook that well, so I know the whole menu. I recommend the cheeseburger."

That got him a small smile from her. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Hasn't anybody ever told you that you talk too much, Cullen?"

He chuckled, and with her hand in his, led her to the 'promised land' of burgers and fries.

~Tommy~

He shoved fries into his mouth and looked over at Tommy to make sure she was enjoying it.

Her cheeks had ketchup stains, and her hands were covered in grease. He laughed, enjoying her eating and finding it incredibly hilarious. She flipped him the bird and continued devouring her burger.

They sat on top of a junk car by the diner as they ate their food. They faced the woods and every time they took a break from eating, they would stare out at the trees and the birds chirping around.

"Food in juvie sucks," she said. "I swear I will never eat powdered eggs again."

"I'm sorry you had to go there," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, well, me too. I got my ass handed to me so much by these big ass girls. They hated white girls, and I'm as white as they come. Being there made me realize, I'm not _that_ crazy. One girl would stick shit up her nose to get attention. There was one that was missing an arm, but she sure wouldn't let that get in her way of a good fight. But they all had daddy and mommy issues. Just like me." She laughed, but it didn't sound honest, it sounded sad. "But enough about me, Cullen. How's life? How's the arm? Did you tell them all I am the one that taught you everything you know?"

He smirked. "You wish you had, Swan." He threw a fry at her, earning a giggle from her. She threw it over to a bird on the ground. "I don't think I'm going to do football this year."

"Why is that?"

"I just don't care. I think I need to get my shit together, ya' know?"

"No, I don't. What's going on?"

He sighed. "I just need to find my mind. Sometimes it feels so messed up in therethat I start acting like someone else. I'm not myself. I'm not the person I want to be. You know?"

She nodded. "I think I do. The doc over at juvie said I was fucked up in the head. That it wasn't my fault, but maybe the adults around me." She sighed and threw another fry for the bird to eat. "I think we just need some time, Cullen. Soon enough we'll be adults, and we'll be free."

He looked down at the bird eating away at the fry. "I don't think we can run away from our minds, Swan. Memories can be cruel."

They sat in silence for another moment until he spoke again. "My dad told me my mom was sick. He told me my mom suffered from depression. I'm scared, you know? I'm scared to end up like her. I'm scared I'll end up in some depressed and fucked-up dream state."

"Don't be. You have me, Cullen. You have me to wake you up," she said with a smile on her lips.

"I guess you're right. Wake me up when we're older and wiser. Wake me up when our hearts are cold, and our lives aren't young anymore and have aged well—when we are no longer tragic, young souls, but adults, with old, cynical eyes. Then we'll laugh at those who dare have hope. Wake me up when this is over," he said with a smile.

"I promise I will, you stoned young poet you," she said.

He laughed so loudly that the bird, frightened, flew away, up, up, and up into the sky.

~Tommy~

**Present Time**

Edward had come home with a brand new house phone that had a working caller ID. He spends a few minutes plugging it in and fiddling with the settings.

Edward then works outside, picking up trash from the backyard and looking over his father's plants while laughing at the conversation between his Aunt Esme, Alice and Rosalie. They're drinking hot chocolate outside in the cool afternoon and enjoying each other's company while waiting for Carlisle to come back from the hospital.

Emmett arrives and gives his wife a kiss before he heads over to help Edward. "I still can't believe you were a troublemaker in high school," he says.

"Who told you I was?"

Emmett chuckles. "Don't tell her I told you, but it was Rosalie. She said you used to be very troubled when you were a teen. She says it's because of what happened to your mom. But you're so kind to your father and sister now, so it's hard to see it. Ya' know?"

Edward sighs and looks over at his sister. "I guess I'm trying to make it up to them. It wasn't their fault after all."

"I'm sure you don't have to make it up to them. When I lost my mother, it was hell, dude. I would go into this rage with everything around me. I'm sure I pissed some people off, but family always forgives."

"Yeah, you're right."

Both men continue working until the phone inside the house rings. Edward quickly rushes inside asking his sister to let him answer it.

He looks at the caller ID and doesn't recognize the number. He wonders if it's the same person that always calls. He or she hasn't called in days.

He answers. "Hello?" There is silence on the other line.

"Hello? Who is this? Are you the same person that is always calling my dad?" He waits for a response, but only hears breathing, and suddenly a quiet sob. "Are you okay? I know you're there."

Suddenly the line goes dead.

"Son, did you get an answer?" Carlisle asks.

Edward slowly looks at him in confusion and shakes his head. "No, but I got a number now. It looks like a Chicago area code," Edward says as he pulls out his phone.

"Hello?" A man answers on the other line.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Excuse me? You called us."

"Us? Where am I calling?"

"Victor's."

"What's that?"

"Dude, it's a fucking bar. Why the hell are you calling us?"

"I received a call from this number."

"Well, you're insane because nobody uses the damn phone, but me, and I sure as hell didn't call you. So get over it."

The line goes dead.

"Who was it, Son?" Carlisle asks.

"A bar in Chicago," Edward says.

"I'm confused. Why are they calling me?"

Edward shrugs. "I'm more confused now, too."

"Well, whoever it is, I bet they'll stop now that you've told them off. You're quite the badass, Son," Carlisle said, and Edward laughs at the obvious sarcasm.

His father goes outside to join the rest of his family, leaving him still pondering over the phone call. He sighs, feeling frazzled and as if somehow the call from that Chicago bar has something to do with him.

~Tommy~

"_I don't know why I believed you, Swan!" He shouted, looking down at the water. "This is stupid. How am I going to feel better by looking down at this death trap?"_

"_It's time to fucking face your fears!"_

"_But not like this! I don't want to be here!"_

"_Just look down there! You don't have to be scared, Edward."_

"_Please, can't we just do this another time?"_

_She sighed and pulled him back._

"_Fine, but don't say I didn't try and help you."_

_He took a deep breath, glad to be away from the edge of the cliff. "And who is going to help you?" He asked._

_She smiled and shook her head. "I don't need help, Cullen. I just need time to pass so I can leave everything behind."_

"_Am I going to be left behind too?"_

"_I think that would be impossible," she whispered and started to walk away._

"_You always talk about how everything will be better in the future. Why can't it be better now?"_

"_Because, Cullen, things aren't that simple. We're still young and stupid. Be patient."_

"_You make no sense, Swan."_

"_One day you'll understand. You'll think back and say, 'hey, that Swan girl was right. Shit does get better.' And then you'll call me and thank me."_

_He laughed._

_He took one last look at the edge of the cliff and sighed. When he looked back at her, he felt peace, and he wasn't frightened anymore. He knew it was only because she was there._

_He was a coward._

"_Maybe we can go back to the edge. I want to do this, Swan. I want to face it and tell it to fuck off."_

"_Don't push yourself, Cullen. You can be brave another day. You don't have to be tough around me. I know the truth."_

"_And what truth is that?"_

"_That you're human."_

_He smiled and followed her out of the woods._

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**I know most of you are anxious for Tommy to show up in 'present time' and it's going to happen. I promise I'm not trying to drag it out, but the main point of this story is how these characters grew up and developed their relationship.**

**Let me know what you think in the review box! What do you think of Edward and Tommy's relationship now? Was it what you expected when you started reading this story? **

**Twitter-HelloElla**


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